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John McCain and the Attendants: Nightclub Act

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Flanked by Cindy and Sarah, who’ve been programmed to smile and nod in coordination with each of John McCain’s boasts, promises, and wild accusations, the threesome reminds me less of a viable political team than a nightclub act. Which of us wouldn’t flock to Vegas to see “John McCain and the Attendants?”

McCain’s crankiness could be played for laughs by casting him as diva-like, sure to appeal to all abusive husbands. He’d poke fun at himself for the disdainful looks he throws at Cindy, comparing their on-demand pecks to the passionate Al and Tipper Gore kiss, an ideal spot for self-deprecating jokes about loss of sexual appetite. Out-of-work Sonny and Cher writers may have dysfunctional couple material in their files.

Cindy’s heiress background is ideal for pre-nup jokes, and she’d win over the audience by admitting, with some embarrassment, what she spends on homes, staff, clothing, jewelry, hair, make-up, etc. Every second wife would drag her “starting to lose it” husband to see this, stopping en route to pick up a diamond bauble from the hotel’s jewelry shop.

Sarah’s character requires little work—soccer mom turned mayor, then governor, not content to stop there so aspires to become the vice-president of the United States despite a myriad of challenges presented by her family. Think Roseanne trying to be Hillary Clinton. Girl Scout leaders, working moms, and anyone unable to intelligibly string two sentences together in the absence of talking points will save up her unemployment checks to see this act.

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