Once upon a midnight dreary, I was homeward bound and tired after some late night research … a party. I turned down our street and noticed Lulu out in front of her house with yet another gentleman friend.
We met Lulu and her flamboyant twenty-year-old son Jamie when we first moved in. She was very outgoing and told us that she owns a local hair salon and would love to have my wife has a client. We also found out that Lulu lost her husband to a car accident some years ago and from what everyone tells me she hasn’t found Mister Right … a few Lefts, but no Rights.
As I got out of my car there was silence—until I shut the door behind me. As if their business was my business, the argument ensued. Her arms began to flail, “You pushed me. No! You slammed me. I can’t believe you slammed me against the wall!” Her gentleman friend, now backing away from her, shouts back, “You’re irrational, I’m not doing this!” As he attempts to get in his yellow Ferrari, she presses her petite frame and naturally large breasts against him in attempt to subdue or possibly pacify him. By the way, the locals call her “boobs” because she jogs with a low cut v-neck. I later come to find out he was the idiot racing up and down our streets earlier that night like some adolescent greaser trying to impress a skirt … the ignoranus! (It’s when you’re both stupid and an asshole).
Without any result she immediately turns into a cling-on: a repulsive, needy monster, feared by most men. He retaliated with the Vulcan neck pinch, maybe it was a push, and the ordeal was over … until her son came home. Jumping from the passenger seat with the same genetic arm movements as Mom he lunged at the gentlemen caller, “You better take your sorry ass home!” And with a swift Magnum P.I.-like move he jumped into his car and sped away in his sports car. Surely he thought he was home free but Jamie was fast! He took his sparkled sandal off and hurled it at the expensive car. When Jamie went to console his mother, Dorkus’ eldest son comes darting out of his house.
Get in the sac!