Don’t get me wrong. I am a star-crossed, People-reading royal watcher just as much as the next person. But in watching all of this hoopla, I have come to realize that there is a big difference between a royal wedding and a royal marriage. And I prefer the latter by far and away.
My wedding, by most standards, was far from royal or even royal-ish. I mean, let’s face it, most girls do somewhat pretend to be a princess on their wedding day. And they get away with it because they don’t have a billion news outlets and paparazzi reporting on their fingernail polish selection. Can you imagine the pressure? I’m not even famous, well I’m the most famous person I know, and I couldn’t handle the pressure of a traditional wedding. So, my beloved and I ran off to the beach and married at sunset on a beautiful Caribbean island. It was a planned elopement but it was not about me acting out a princess fantasy. It was about two people standing, in albeit a beautiful setting, before God promising to love each other for the rest of our lives. At that moment, I was madly in love with my husband but how could I know at that time if it would be sustained throughout time much less strengthened? How could I know that that love would be tested like Jesus was in the wilderness fighting Satan? Seriously. All I knew was that I loved this man.
Having been married now for sixteen years, I realize that forgoing the royal wedding had no bearing on the caliber of our marriage. It is … well it is beyond royal. It is definitely a marriage that, had we been famous, would have kept the paparazzi hopping! Heart-wrenching love. A whole-heart kind of love. A trenches kind of love. A royal kind of love. It turns out, I am the princess who is living happily ever after!
My advice to a couple marrying is to express your unconditional love at every opportunity, employ a keen sense of humor, sex, sex, sex (especially when you don’t feel like it), and by all means, do not kick your spouse when they are down. Meaning when he fucks up, don’t try to figure out how you can hurt him worse, figure out how you can pick him up. Especially when he has fucked up at your expense. It is easy to love someone who is always perfect and well behaved. But it’s more important (and quite frankly, more rewarding) to love that person when they are not. Besides, I think perfect and well-behaved people are highly overrated and utterly boring.
It’s so easy to walk away when things are bad. But then you miss out on way more good stuff. And if you stick it out and walk through whatever it is together, you come out on the other side with a new and deeper level of understanding, appreciation, and love. Trust me, it’s worth a try.
My husband and I had an agreement when my son was a toddler (read nightmare) that whoever left had to take him with them. That kept us together for years. Finally, he grew out of it (not quite a dream, but no longer a nightmare) and then we had to face the music. Fortunately, it was a tune we could both dance to and even when one of us missteps, the other covers nicely. Len, CarrieAn, and Lester would definitely approve! Yeah, I watch that show. Refer to first paragraph.
I digress only to demonstrate that the true regality and romance comes not at the wedding, but at the marriage. I admit that I look forward to all of the drama and the gross flaunting of wealth and royalness that will be on display. I will be glued to the television just like the rest of you. But I am more interested in watching the royal couple after the spectacle. Will they find their tune? Will they cover each other’s missteps, will the world of harsh critics score them lowly. Will they care? I pray not.
I wish them all the best. Luck isn’t a word that applies to anything but the lottery. It is work and laughter and sex and rock and roll and chaos and solace and comfort and, yes, love that will hold them as one. God speed, Will and Kate. May the royalness of your wedding pale in comparison to the royalness of your marriage.