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Scout Season

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As I pull into the vacant parking stall, I notice the bright green banner with yellow and brown lettering. It is as if the flag has been secured, in order to indicate complete territory capture. Animals have placed this banner. These animals stalk their prey, thrive upon weaknesses and ultimately gain victory by batting their large “innocent” eyes and then wham! In an instant, they have secured their prey into utter submission.

These animals are thankfully seasonal creatures that tend to hibernate during the spring and summer months. 

They are harmless, unless denied. If denied, these creatures turn absolutely rabid. Foaming at the mouth and relentlessly pursuing with the phrase, “Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?” With those fateful words, the cash is dispensed and the scale wars begin.

I have been good the entire holiday season. I denied myself the Christmas cookies, the New Years cake, the Valentine’s candy. I have been a regular visit to my 24 Hour Fitness gyms. All in all, I have been strong in will and physical agility (my plank be perfect form). Yet, I have not been faced with this diet downfall. Gathering enough courage to tell the cutest of the pack, “NO!!!” I take a few yoga breathes and try to breeze by the Scouts. Eyes on the prize, just get into the grocery store and get away from the sugar/chocolate pushers.

Upon entering the store, one little Scout pushes forward and grabs my attention. She is dressed as a chocolate chip cookie. This is the first time I have encountered one of the animals dressed in “sheeps clothing” (or in this case ”cookie clothing”). Her saucer-shaped eyes gaze up at me and the words pierce my icy heart. “Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies, from a Girl Scout cookie?” Dammit. She is clever.

I talk pricing. “How much?” My thoughts race … anything more than five bucks and I’m out. The cookie speaks again, “Four dollars.” Dammit. Again, they have pricing on their side as well. My defeated tone reveals my verdict, “I will see ya on the way out.” Being as good as possible within the store (fresh broccoli, nonfat yogurt, and bottled water), I gather my change at the register.

On the way out the door I divert my eyes from the menacing, talking cookie. It is like a standard sugar drug deal. I push the four dollars into her hand and she hands me the cookies. I walk to the car stuffing the box under my arm. My only thought of comfort. I got a box of thin mints, perhaps I can convince myself that due to their name, these cookies are calorie-free. I should investigate if there is a Girl Scout Cookies Anonymous. My name is RLH, I am a Girl Scout cookie addict …


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