Ten Things Using a Payphone Says About You

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Payphones have seen better days; they have become extinct. The year 1889 gave us the first coin operated payphone. In the good old days, you would use one to call your mom to pick you up from the movies or call your dad to tell him you are fine on your cross-country ski trip. Now between your data plan, status updates, and tweets, the payphone no longer fits. There are still the few who, for whatever reason, continue to use this technology, I find something creepy about those payphone users. Here is what I know about you, payphone user:

1. Your credit history sucks. Your are doomed as your credit is not good enough to qualify for a phone contract or maybe you are just too broke.

2. You are out of place. You are likely to be a tourist, a foreigner, or a backpacker. You are too cheap to use your mobile international call services. Somehow you feel immune as you talk in tongues that no one understands. Why bother it’s not like anybody else will be waiting to use the payphone to chat it up? Seriously, no one cares if you do not call.

3. The criminal defense. You want to preserve your anonymity and want outsmart the FBI who are on your case. I have a tip for you, they know you are using the payphone, heck they installed it.

4. Non-conformist dude. You cannot afford a mobile phone, even though there are more mobile phone than there are adults in America (the US has 260 million, world has 4.5 billion phone). Clearly you are on the minority. Thus you are too broke and can only call your girlfriend collect.

5. You are on the run and do not want your poor grandpa to know your whereabouts and call you. You are running from your crazy family and do not want them to call you whenever they need a bailout.

6. Paranoid! You have done nothing wrong, yet you think Big Brother is watching and thus a payphone would provide you with some sense of privacy. Make sure to save your tickets for the next Libertarian party convention. While at it, you might also think that cell phones can blow your brain with their signals and/or maybe your brain just keeps getting in the way.

7. Hollywood kills payphone. Nothing good ever happens when you spot a payphone in a motion picture. You kidnap people for living. You are calling about that ransom money trying to organizing a drop location. Prisoners always use them for their “one call” I mean what would those criminals do if it was not for payphones?

8. You are homeless, the upside of being a homeless is the plenty of change you accumulate over the course of a day of labor, using a phone to call your ex-wife is never a problem. You come from a rural area, a middle of nowhere town where a mobile signal is too weak to convince you to get a servicer. The Hobo Card. Living life on the road and thus, you do not have a physical address and you change addresses as often as Lady Gaga changes outfits.

9. Battery dies. You are not too keen on making sure that your mobile phone battery is fully charged. Or your prepared or pay-as-you go phone plan is out of minutes, tough shit.

10. You are calling a hooker and do not want your wife to see the number on your statement. Only then you are authorized to call me collect to let me watch.


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