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The View ... No, My Soapbox

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Ladies and gentleman, it’s now time for the soapbox hour. Stand up and take a bow before reciting your right to life, who is responsible, what should happen now, what’s more important, does it work, etc. etc.


My soapbox today contains the following:


  1. The Environment
  2. Abortion and Adoption
  3. Germs


Who would have an opinion on the environment, well I would, of course. The infamous loud-mouthed Kayla, that’s me. So what is bugging me today that has cornered me into spouting off about our precious floating planet? Maybe it was an overheard comment from a man. Yeah, I heard you buddy, what is the point of Earth Day you asked, who gives a shit about Earth Day? I do and so do millions of others thank you very much. Like Mormonism, Scientology, and the Catholics, the Earth has developed quite the cultish kind of following. I, being a proud member, who stops driving my car if I can hoof it. I, who water flowers at night. It is I who suspiciously steals that sock from the dryer in an attempt to get people to stop wasting energy and use a freakin’ clothesline. Well that last one wasn’t true but now that I think about it that could be plausible. I have an exorbitant amount of single socks. It isn’t just me and it should be you, too. Because this third rock from the sun can only give so much before she withers up into herself and someday might just burst at the seams from the selfishness that is human. It’s important for everyone to know and understand that Earth, like anything else, can be used only so much before it either is gone like the wind or breaks like that favorite glass figurine of yours. We have to be grateful and return the favor of life, too. It’s unbalanced and all sense of equilibrium is draining from my veins whenever I see that snot, spoiled kid throwing her trash into the gutters or drinking from a plastic water bottle, the kind where it comes in packs and people constantly re-buy them instead of reuse them. It’s the old lady next door who doesn’t recycle or the man sitting next to me on the park bench who can conveniently and without conscience flick the butt of his death sticks to the ground. So this is me to you, begging on my knees (though you can’t see it), to change your mind and give heart to something other than yourself.

Hmmm, abortion and adoption are always heavy hot spot topics. Why though? Because the truly deranged or freakishly religious have to stick their noses into someone else’s life choices. So now I do that, only as a deranged but never religiously attached person, if only to give an unbiased thought. Then again some might protest that I am biased because I am a women; well, fine go ahead, you don’t know me and I don’t know you, either. Good luck with that sexism though; I only want to know how far it’s getting you in life. Yes, life is important but when do we define what life is and who has a right to it? How can someone so against abortion say that man needs the chair because he was wrong. Now don’t let me stray to far off here. How do we define the quality of life? I’d say that the person living that life gets that choice. If a woman wants to bring in another child even if she can’t afford it, who am I to say nay to that? Then you are probably saying right now, well then shouldn’t the fetus or baby whatever term you prefer get the decision? But wait, they can’t communicate that with us just yet. So it should be left up to the vessel that is transporting and feeding the little embryo. So don’t take away the rights of a not so bright teenager or from the mother of three who can’t afford the fourth one. True people need to take responsibility for their actions but sometimes we all get into that situation were we go, “Oh Shit!” Why should the victim of incest or rape be forced to confront the same baby every day? Even if the baby had nothing to do with it, how many of you would think, hey this is because of daddy and be getting morning sickness all over again. We know it isn’t the child’s fault but I know that every woman thinks about the conception of their child almost every day when they look at their kid. Those of you who can’t even begin to swallow abortion should try out adoption. It’s not so bad if it’s used by the right people and true some kids have issues with it but, we truly know that is was in their best interests to go to a real loving family.

I never get tired of this one, cooties! Gross! I remember when all the boys had it in first grade! Well, germs are gross and they cause everyone to get a little sick and tired of them. I saw a McDonald’s employee who thought that maybe no one else would notice if her hands hadn’t been washed for awhile. Every time I go out, the little girls in restrooms are lead away from sinks and straight out the door to infect the rest of mankind with whatever it is the small pick up. Or I see grown women who wash their hands and then open the bathroom door without paper towels guarding their freshly citrus-scented appendages. Thus walking into the world rubbing their eyes and nose with fecal fingers and then grabbing a bite to eat on the way home. Just makes you want to break out the hand sanitizers … wait a minute! How many of you think that hand sanitizers replace the miracle of actually washing between the hot water and soapy bubbles? Plenty of people just go on and reach out for that Purell but I recommend washing whenever you can and using 99.9 percent effective germ slaying deodorizers when a soapy bath for your hands aren’t available. Just think of it this way, the way my mom taught me when she was in the medical field. “Everything you have touched including your property has been touched by natural and unnatural germs that are manifesting to crawl into your open spaces and wham assault your body when you least expect it. In other words, think of this, only 82 percent of adults wash their hands after the bathroom so if a hundred people used that bathroom today on average only eighteen people are sticking their cooties down your throat. All strangers.” Also please remember that people do not like to be sprayed with spit and snot. So cover your mouth with your elbow or the inside of your clothing to help contain the widespread of disgusting.

Stay tuned for my next soapbox whenever that might be about anything from gay rights to animal rights to ugly feet and plastic surgery. If you think that something needs to be said, then say it but try to be careful how.

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