Have you always wondered how famous people get there? Have you ever wondered how homeless people get there? Or maybe given thought to the people in jail?
There are so many charities and organizations for abused people, and I am not saying that isn’t good by any means, (believe me; I have put myself in every horrible abuse situation out there). But I can’t stop but to think what makes the abuser and why? Do they feel anything when they abuse or after except for the obvious? Do they want love? Is there any hope or change for them and society doesn’t allow it.
It makes me sick to think they let people out of jail and for them to just go rape and kill someone again. So what’s the point of putting them in 4 walls with rude, crude people? What charities go to the jails to help find someone’s inner feeling and thoughts, maybe reach someone and let them know they can feel.
I really have so much anger in me and all I want to do is help people especially the homeless, but you know what, I am struggling to survive myself right now. I can’t pay my bills and barely have money for food. But one day, I made a promise I owe, I will help people and not just by coincidence, I mean I will make a point of it. Being selfish has so many forms.
Everyday is a new beginning, people take everything for granted, the air they breathe, their health, the people they love around them and the small things that are keeping them in survival mode that they don’t even know about.
People don’t realize they can help just one person in a simple act of kindness, whether it is with words, opening a door, giving a dollar or just being considerate. Being in a hurry? For what? So someone cuts you off on the highway… they are in a big hurry to get where? To the red light before you. Five minutes late to work or 8 minutes late, what’s the difference?
Hurting people comes in so many ways because people feel acceptance with your every action. So when the old saying is said, treat people the way you want to be treated, why don’t people read the words and not the letters then do the action and not say the phrase? Do they feel bigger and better when they see someone hurt? Did they accomplish something? No one will ever be the same after hurt – but after a simple gesture of kindness, or validation to a loved one, now that is something to be proud of and make you feel really good.
So the question is… Why put people in jail when they do something wrong and not make them do something right while they are in there? Why? It should be mandatory. Maybe then they would feel the real control.
Honesty, I’ll never understand how one human being can hurt betray violate jeopardize and be as cruel to another for such a long period of time and walk away without a care in the world except for the fact material things were left behind.
Material things? Ahh. Not a good subject… My family… They think you should get educated work to the bone have a great job, house, kids, cars, diamonds, crystal and judge others.
No thanks, I’ll settle for Wal-Mart and a bar-b-queue and reality. All I want and ever wanted was someone to love and love me back. Someone to spend the rest of my life with, have fun with, cry with, learn with, go places and do things with.
It definitely wasn’t this.
My heart to every soul, with the blood in my veins and the air I breathe, I am sorry for the hurt you feel, and I wish I could take it all from you. I would be willing to be the open target as long as no one else in this world had to be judged, put down, scared, second guess them selves, and afraid no one believes them.
I made so many mistakes in my life, I regret so many things….But that is just it. I shouldn’t… I didn’t do wrong, I was committed, sincere, loving so why? I never lied, cheated, stole, I worked cooked cleaned, yard work, Laundry, paid bills ran the kids to school, sports… worked… But nothing was ever good enough! Nothing and you know what — It was alllll taken for granted and it got me no where… not even my kids appreciate a thing, they just place blame…
It makes me sick – I am tired of second guessing my self.
There is such a thing as brainwashing. Control! You don’t even know its happening. You want to please so much your too busy worrying and then just when you think… You’re told not to or it was wrong or bad or the worst yet… “I was an embarrassment to be seen with”…. No friends – no lie, no family for thousands of miles and even then they disowned me because of him. So when your life is completely destroyed and you’re trying to figure out whom, what and why? Where do you begin and were do you stop? And for what or who, me you him her, the kids? Life or death?
What is the ultimate betrayal? I thought another woman in my bed with my husband going on for more than 2 years that I didn’t know about, makes me sick to think he would go to bed with me and tell me he loves me and could actually look me in the eye and act like a husband and father… Knowing I could get a disease! Knowing I clean his laundry, and iron his clothes just so he can lie to me and say he is going to work and go to see her all dressed up? So much has happened, I look back at how much I was in denial and it makes me feel so, soo, low, so useless, stupid, no self esteem to let another person cut me down to nothing and beg for what I could get? I don’t want that for anyone…
They tell everyone that verbal and emotion abuse is worse that physical (like I said, I had both-two different marriages) both are horrible, but the physical abuse, I much rather have that. It’s over and done with and you can get up, or lie dead. You can see the pain from the bruises and people believe you.
But my stories against his ``````` not a chance in the world except for my psychologist and even then I did and said some things in my lowest points that only she knew about because he made me feel invisible! And if I were to ask her to speak for me… They would think I was the crazy one! How is that right?
My head spins 24 hours a day. I used to run 6-9 miles a day for 11 1/2 years, (anorexia driven); I eventually worked my way to 15 miles. Then I had to have a pacemaker at 31 years old. Then a collapsed lung. So now, I run 4-6 miles a few days a week or when I feel well enough mentally and physically.
Do you know he never came to the hospital for any of my illnesses except the initial paperwork? They had to use the paddles on me the first time I collapsed, and I collapsed at the children’s doctors because they needed a breathing treatment for asthma. I even had to drive myself home after they replaced my pacemaker. I am even talking about the birth of my children.
No one would believe my life, no one. I can’t believe my life. Then there is my Aunt. She is/was my life. A big part of me died when she did. I weighed 89 lbs after her death. She left me $55,000 to “get a small house for myself” guess who has it! HE does and it kills me everyday but I have to tell myself it’s a material thing and a choice I made. I invested in a piece of property that I thought we would live and die in together. I let my Aunt down, to this day I don’t know how I will ever repair the damage I’ve done with the gifts she gave me and now he benefits from. He drives a $38,000 Jeep.
I know people say what goes around comes around. But really I am not looking for that. I just want to be ok. I don’t want to be afraid and struggle through life. I don’t want to want for a loaf of bread or gas in my car. After that he can have anything he wants… You would think it would be the least he could do, but he wants to suck the life right out of me. He did my Aunt. He even stole her bible she gave me to blackmail me into giving him things he wanted.
I don’t want anything or him… he means nothing to me anymore… I wish no one harm or hurt… So why should anyone want to see us like this… he will answer to the good lord in his own time. And I will fight back intelligently. Do you know to this day I have never spoke a bad word to his girlfriend, never. She would call the house and ask for him and call and ask for my son… but what good would it do me? Really? Why should I let my son see me lower myself defend me against her… They can have each other, get it over with and let me go. The do not know what the true meaning of love or life is and never will. Never and if for some reason they do… it will be far too late.
Hope not Hate..?