Black Friday has passed, Small Business Saturday is done, so long, Cyber Monday. With no remaining marketing campaigns to remind us to get out there and spend our money, we’re left to our own devices. Most of us, I’m willing to bet, still have some shopping left to do. And the watch (that you gave your dad last year) (that's now sitting, forgotten, on his dresser) is ticking.
When in doubt, go weird (at least, that's our motto). From ugly Yeti sweaters to seasonal guinea pig wear and everything in between, here’s our round up of seasonal oddities, ripe for the giving.
Festive Guinea Pig Wear, Cuddly Cavies, $13
Tired of the same old Elf on a Shelf year after year after year? Problem solved. Cuddly Cavies makes outfits for guinea pigs, including an adorable elf outfit. If you’ve ever owned a guinea pig, then you know, firsthand, that this guinea elf can hide itself. Other holiday highlights include Santa and reindeer costumes. But we’re partial to the vampire and turkey getups.
Strange ornamental embryos, Etsy.com, starting at $13
Why, you ask, are we featuring a bacon embryo ornament for sale from Etsy? Well, because the gun-toting, glasses-wearing Sarah Palin embryo ornament is sold out. If you ever wondered “What can’t I find on Etsy?” we hope we’ve answered your question, because there really is something for everyone. The “Feti” store, in particular, is odd, but strangely endearing. The owner grabbed us with her statement, “Feti is just for fun, no political statements being made here,” and had us at her “Feti = weird but cute” slogan.
Ugly Bigfoot Sweater, Archie McPhee, $42.50
Got an ugly sweater party to attend? Be the Yeti of the Year in Archie McPhee Bigfoot Sweater, which comes in only one size. “This one-size-fits-most sweater is sausage-casing-tight on a 2XL person and awkwardly loose on a medium frame,” reads the description. Still, as much as we stare at it and think, “ugly sweater,” we can’t help but want to wear it, year round.
Tawdry garden gnomes, Gadgets and Gear Store, $19.95
Gnomes don’t just sit around gardening all day and looking wholesome, contrary to common perception. No, they have very active private lives, it seems. Some are strippers, others flashers, and one gnome has a gun to try and scare you off his lawn.
Seasonal jewelry, Etsy.com, starting at $10
As Americans, most of us only know about figgy pudding through relatives, travels or Christmas carols. Still, how can you not love those words? Figgy pudding. We simply don’t get enough chances to say “figgy pudding,” which is why we need to take advantage of the figgy pudding (aka Christmas pudding) ring. If that’s not your style, how about some fruit cake earrings or a fruit cake ring, a Christmas Yule log cake ring, a Christmas mince pie necklace or countless other polymer clay food options (some of which are actually scented) on Etsy. Now, bring us some figgy pudding!
Thanksgiving may be the true American gravy appreciation day, but plenty of us enjoy our meat juice throughout the holidays, and year round, for that matter. Which is why we need so many gravy accessories, like the Titanic Gravy Boat from Archie McPhee. “Pour gravy through the hole in the hull,” the site instructs. It’s sink or swim during the holidays, don’t ya know. Think that’s tasteless? Check out the Puking Kitty Saucy Boat. Made possible by a Kickstarter campaign, Puking Kitty is great for gravy, barbecue sauce, syrup or anything that pours. The sauce drips out straight from the kitty’s mouth, sharing its hot lunch with yours.
Adventurous candy canes, Archie McPhee, $4.74
Peppermint? Pshaw. Candy canes have exploded in flavor, and now you can find some of the most unexpected taste profiles in the most seasonal of canes. Archie McPhee sells candy canes in flavors such as pickle, wasabi, bacon and, yes, gravy. If those flavors grab you, then you’re in the target demographic for Jelly Belly’s BeanBoozled line, which has cornered the market on nastiness, with flavors such as barf, rotten egg, booger, baby wipes, skunk spray, moldy cheese, canned dog food and the list goes on.
Jesus Shaves Mug, Stupid.com, $13.99
Movember has passed, and even Jesus knows it. Shave that stache, man! Last month, you looked like a hero. This month, you just look creepy. Help Jesus shave his beard by filling this Jesus Shaves mug with your favorite warm beverage. As it fills, his facial hair disappears and it feels like clean-shaven December is here to stay.