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Are We Allowed to Talk About That?

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I’m stuck.


My novel is killing me. In the middle of my third draft and feeling like there is no way I’ll ever see it in print. And like many writers, I blog. I blog about the issues with my novel, the issues with my family, the issues with my lack of a love life and what’s happening on my favorite TV show.


I joined a blogging network. One that is over run with mommy bloggers. I am not a mommy nor do I ever plan to be.


Many of us in the network have spoken up about either that very issue or those who just do not use their blog to talk about their kids/families. We all felt the same way, that we were being over looked.


One of the women running the network agreed to let us have a companion network for non-mommy blogs. That was a month ago. The topic has since been dropped and the network in question has started to really push the mommy blogs on a daily basis.


Are we being silenced? I am starting to wonder if that is the case.


I’ve never had a good relationship with other women. I’ve tried countless of times to be the kind of woman you see in buddy movies and in young adult books. The best friend, the support group, the lady who would die for her gals.


But, in reality, I’ve been stabbed in the back way too many times to the point where I just avoid other women if I can.


I thought being part of a blogging network would be a good way to easy back into the fold so to speak. But it’s left me feeling more claw marks then ever before. And the only ones I have been able to talk to on this issue, are my male friends. Men don’t view backstabbing the same way. At lest not the men I seem to be finding.


One of my male friends jokingly said to me that he’d always heard women secretly hate each other. I told him, it’s true of straight women. He flinched and shut up, not expecting me to be so blunt. He was expecting me to be all sappy and defend womankind to the death.


I’m sorry, I just can’t, but I’ll show you the scars from the time my cousin stabbed me in the back when she not only stole my boyfriend but my shot at a record deal. Or the scar from the time in high school when a close friend told me the only reason she hung out with me was because she lived in the country and wanted a place to crash on weekends when she came to the city for parties/mall/movies and that she couldn’t careless if she ever actually spoke to me when she did. Or the scar from the friend who set fire to my homework because we had done our essays on the same topic. And that’s just a small showing of the knives in my back.


Have our attitudes really changed in the last thirty years or are we as a society getting worse?


I would love to say that I have a Sex and the City style friendship, and that nothing could come between me and my girls. But for me, that’s a mirage that might not ever come true.

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