I am the eldest of all my siblings. I do thankfully have an older big sister, but she didn’t come into my life until my early twenties so it’s a little different. So, there are three of them: two boys and a girl. I grew up in the same house as my younger brothers and my sister and I just met two years ago. (LONG STORY.) The thing is I never got to be the big sister when they needed it. Or I wasn’t very good at it. I was a terrible role model for both of them. I moved out when I was seventeen and missed out on their high school teenage issues.
Fast forward to me being twenty-five and living with five children (not my own) and three of them being tweens . . . I’m a little overwhelmed. They view me as a sister and that is perfectly fine with me; I love them like I do my biological family, so it’s all the same to me. The problem I’m having is I just realized . . .
. . . I am a big sister and it scares the shit out of me.
I have no idea what I am supposed to do or say in certain situations. I don’t know how to handle hearing things I really don’t want to, but know that I should be thankful they are telling someone. I can’t just use the ol’ WWCD in situations that involve younger people that I love. I can’t teach them my tactics of getting through life because, let’s face it, if you know me personally I rarely make the right decision and mostly do whatever the fuck I want to no matter what the consequences. Obviously I cannot tell a thirteen-year-old girl to basically say “fuck you, I’m doing my own thing” to her parents, or heck, even me.
It’s difficult for me to remember that I am a role model for these kids; that they do look up to me in a way. But I don’t want them to do or make any of the mistakes I have. I want them to learn from me, learn how my life went, and is now, and make decisions based on good logical judgment.
Which brings me to something else. Where is the trust line drawn? How do I know what to keep from the parents and what to tell? We are a pretty open family unit, but obviously they tell me things that they don’t tell their parents. I like that they feel comfortable to come to me and I don’t want to break that trust in any way. I feel like as long as one of us knows and the situation isn’t life-threatening then it will be okay. But when it comes to sneaking out, boys/girls, peer pressure, parties, and normal teenage things, what do I do?
In a way I wish they were boys, then this would be easier. But nothing in life is easy and now I’ve got two younger pseudo sisters. The three of us share a bathroom so that’s always fun trying to get ready. I’m just so afraid to mess this up and I would hate for something to go wrong because of my own bad advice. The only thing I know for certain is I am glad I don’t have kids of my own.
