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A Big Brother She or He Will Never Meet

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On April 25, 2007, I received a frantic phone call from my husband. He was hard to understand, but I knew that something was really wrong. He screamed to me to get home that “Justin” was unconscious. When I reached home I found my husband hovering over my precious little boy, after he had given him mouth-to-mouth, bringing him back to life.

The fire truck showed up and then the ambulance. There were so many people trying to help this little angel. He lay there on the ground, so fragile, and there was nothing that I could do as his mother. We all rushed to the hospital. I sat beside his bed as the doctor and nurses worked so frantically to save him. They performed many tests and shocked his heart numerous times. My head was down, I was stroking his little arm and talking to him, telling him that Mommy and Daddy loved him and that he couldn’t leave us. The next thing I knew everything was being turned off. Whatever was keeping Justin there with me for just a little while longer, … was shut down. I looked up and the doctor said that there was nothing else that they could do. My life stopped at that moment. I lost the most important and valuable thing in my life—my four-year-old sweet, lovable, explorable and precious little boy.

Losing Justin was totally unexpected. He was a normal, healthy child. His heart was somehow sick.

Moving on would have not been an option if I did not have another precious two-year-old little boy at home. He reminds me so much of his ‘Bubby’. We talk often of Justin and visit him at his grave. Dustin, my other son, still gets confused about how we visit ‘Bubby’ at his grave but we tell him that ‘Bubby’ is in Heaven.

We were driving home a couple of weeks ago and passed a cemetery. Dustin, of course, brought up ‘Bubby’. He asked if ‘Bubby’ was going to be coming home to us and his Daddy told him no, that ‘Bubby’ was up in Heaven, so Dustin said, “Can I go up to Heaven and see Bubby?” It is times like these that life seems so unfair.

My husband and I have always wanted more that one child, so we decided to have another baby. I found out just recently that I am pregnant. Our excitement is abundant. We plan to name the child after Justin. I just pray for a healthy baby. Our family has learned to live life one day at a time; tomorrow is something that we look forward to with caution.

Show your loved ones what they mean to you and hold your babies and kids often because tomorrow you may not be able to.

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