Big Fights or Little Fights?

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I had read an article a long time ago about when something bothers you in a relationship, speak your mind then. Don’t bottle it up; it can become explosive in the long run. This made me think a lot. Can I apply this to my friendships as well as my relationship with my baby? So I put these thoughts into action.

Story 1:
Out on the town with my man at bar for some reunion. Not a high school reunion either, so the thought of a bar reunion to me was just crazy to begin with. We were having a great time. He was introducing to me to some of his old friends. Standing at this table with the thought of this silly reunion in the first place, this woman walks by me and is giving me dirty looks.

This went on for a while, especially when he would wrap his arms around me and give me a hug or a peck on the lips. She is sitting across and down the table from us. So I wait until she leaves and I ask him if he use to date her at one point hanging out at this bar. To me this would be the only reason for the evil looks. The woman comes back and he walks up to her and says, “Do I know you?” “Nope” she replied, then he proceeded to ask her why she was giving me dirty looks.

I wish I had a picture of the look on my face when he did this to me. I was astonished. She was drunk and was like I don’t know what you are talking about and walked away like he was crazy. Thank god! When he came back, I was not only pissed but really embarrassed. I ask him why he went up to her and asked her why she was giving me dirty looks and if they knew each other. He had a few beers in him and he is smiling like a goof ball, says, “I don’t know; I thought you wanted to know.”

I kept my cool and explained to him that when I said that to him, it was between me and him not to put it out there. After I said what I had to say, everything was fine. No more fighting. With him, I have come to realize that if I do speak my mind at the time something bothers me and I don’t bottle it up, things go smoother between us. Now do get me wrong, there are times that I do have to wait to talk to him about things but not too long where it is eating away at me. I don’t want to embarrass him or humiliate him in front of other people.

Story 2:
I have this girlfriend that always has some kinda drama going on in her life. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. Her life is so hard. She will call or text me all day long about things that are not going her way or what is going on with her and her man. Now, I try to be a good friend and empathize with them but I also try to play the devils advocate and look at things from a different point of view. So one day I was at my wits end with her, she spent our whole time shopping complaining. When I would try to change the subject because I am sick of hearing about it, she would literally talk over me like I didn’t say anything. Finally, I yelled, “Please stop complaining and whining! It’s all you ever do. I have never heard you talk about anything good or fun … its always bad stuff.” Well, it was one of those moments that I didn’t put my thoughts into actions. She dropped whatever she was holding in her hands and walked right out of the store. I didn’t hear from her for a few days. She finally called me and apologized for walking out like she did. I apologized for screaming at her in the middle of the store. Then she asked me, “If you have felt like this for a while, why did you wait so long to say something?” I told her I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, I thought if I told you what was really going on inside my head that you would not come to me to talk.” We worked it out.

What I am getting at in these two different stories is that in my opinion, if you get what’s bothering you off your chest when it bothers you, I think you are less likely to have an explosion. Holding everything in, isn’t healthy for anyone. Now that I speak my mind when the lil’ things bother me, I have no big things to explode over. When I say explode, I mean those arguments that seem to last for days and days and you don’t even know why they started in the first place. Well I can tell you. You held the lil’ things in thinking that its no big deal. Until when you do have that really big fight, all the lil’ things you held in are now coming out to the surface rearing their ugly lil’ thing heads.


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