How to Come Across as More Important to Those Around You

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So a friend says something totally shocking and unwelcome to you. Turns out you weren’t as important to them as you thought you were. Your boyfriend cancels the date on Valentine’s Day because he doesn’t think he’ll have the time. Or maybe the waiter at the restaurant you’re dining at seems to be too busy paying attention to other customers to get your correct order. Or gasp! The diamond ring you had seen and ordered online turned out to be fake … and gasp, it was billed on dear hubby’s account! Who knows? So much interaction with so much people can often leave us mentally exhausted, yet we are social creatures; we by nature can never have enough socializing. Let me just ask you, kia tumhara theka lia hoa hai? Do people really owe you anything that they’re going to take your bullshit for no reason?

It’s your boyfriend who should be feeling sorry for himself for having such a selfish whiny little brat as his girlfriend who doesn’t have enough empathy to know what it takes to struggle, and to jumpstart an early career!

The waiter, who has been scribbling everyone’s needs, while they yawn and pick their nose in between, conveying it to the chef, and serving the order to them (while they yawn and pick their nose again) is doing this for the hundredth time when you are trying to grab his attention. It is NOT his desire to serve a dozen other people just so he can avoid you. Please stop being so rude to him. If the diner is too crowded to get your order at a decent time, please just chose the nearby McDonalds with the self service, suiting your needs precisely. Although there too you might just complain about the long que. And, oh my God, how stupid can you be to order something like a diamond ring or a Prada bag online, from an unsafe place, and that too with your husband’s money but without his permission?!

This, brings a few things to mind:

1. Stand in their shoes for a while.
Thinking that somebody isn’t good enough for you is very easy, but if you actually take the time to understand that perhaps what they’re doing isn’t what they want to do you’ll be able to communicate with them in a much kinder manner. So if you’re ditched at the last minute, it doesn’t make you less important, it just means that something came in their way.

2. Don’t do anything that you shouldn’t be doing and don’t expect a higher return. Shortcut to finishing the task at work, ditching your friends at the last minute intentionally and making up excuses, sending flowers to yourself to make the boyfriend jealous—it’s all going to come and bite you right in the ass. Again, you ARE already important enough. You are employed because you are trusted to deliver to the capability required. Similarly, your friends WANT you there and your boyfriend doesn’t need stupid unloved flowers to make him love you more.

3. Appreciate.
What surprises me is that Skinner’s theory about animals reacting to compliments faster than complaints is STILL, being used to manipulate people to behave the way we want them to. Screw the manipulating … just be genuine and be NICE. Appreciate when you can the other person’s effort to do something for you, even if it is just a dinner that he is going to attend, it’s still the dinner he couldn’t give a damn about. The happier he is with you, the happier you will be with him.

Let’s stop wanting, and demanding. They’ll notice the difference, trust me. So will you.

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