Hurt Inside

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Well it all started when I was eleven years old, my step father molested me and my sisters, until I was fourteen. I told my mom, she thought I was lying, my sister Mary was sixteen when she left. My oldest sister stayed. I don’t even remember when she left. Well here I go, I called the police, my stepfather was taken to jail, I was sent to the neighbors house to live whom was my friends family, thank god for them. My stepfather was charged with endangering the welfare of a child, he was sent to Marsey state hospital. He did his time I guess, I don’t remember, maybe because I don’t want to. I had to go back to my mom’s. He came home and said to me see your own mother is with me and not by you. I knew at that time I had to go, so here’s where my life gets out of control.

Met a man at sixteen, ran away, married at eighteen, was in and out of trouble, divorced him because he beat me up cheated on me. I thought hey that’s my life. My life sucked then. I was still talking to my mom because I needed to feel that I had a mom, oh I forgot I really don’t know my real father, only he died when I was thirty-three years old and get this one, he molested his kids and did time in prison. My stepfather and my real father, what a shock right!! Ok now I started drinking at a young age and did my share of drugs, did some things I’m not proud of but I didn’t care about myself anymore. Then I got married again to a good man, he was ten years older than me. Then it started happening again drinking, cheating both of us on each other! We divorced I met another man, oh ya I still talk to my mom she always said you should had stuck your marriage out like I did with your father, what a joke right!

I didn’t start saying anything bad to my mom until I was drunk. I would call her up, curse her out, blame her for everything that happened. She called my sister up and told her she sometimes wishes she would die so she didn’t have to hear me so I told my sister I would try not do it but when I drink I black out. I only know what she tells my sister. My older sister and middle sister are so close to my mom and stepfather even knowing what he did to them and me and don’t forget dear mom knew and still stayed. Well here’s the rest. I have been with a man for seven years. I can’t seem to commit. We lived together then he moved out because he said he needs to help his mom. He’s forty-eight. Here we go again. I drink with my friends, have dinner, I enjoy that, I drink with my boyfriend, and here we go fighting. I yell, curse him out, and why what’s inside hurt!! I work hard, two jobs. I live on my own but I sometime don’t know when to stop when I’m drinking and all my past comes back. My friends say I need to talk to someone and dump the guy I’m with but it’s like I’m holding on to what! So if you can give me advice please help me.


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