Marriage: How I See It

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I really don’t know how to start this and I really don’t know why I brought up this topic … but anyway, it just popped out of my mind so I better share it with you guys who are interested or not … this is regarding my views about marriage.

When I was growing up, I would often hear my fellow girl friends talk about their dream of having a relationship, get married and have a family of their own with kids to take care and rear, have someone whom they can share their thoughts, ideas, plans, dreams, aspirations, and of course, having someone to be with when you reach old age. I somehow wondered why they dream of such, when i never thought of that and never dreamed of it … now I asked myself what is really marriage, and what is it really all about? I asked my mom why she married and why she sacrificed and gave up her job for the man that she loves and for the family and all she said, it was because of “LOVE”.

When I was young and slowly gaining understanding about life, i started questioning about marriage. I grew up in a household where the father works and the mother stays at home taking care of her growing up kids. My mother was a full time housewife while my father as how my mother describes is a ‘workaholic.’ My mother is a very doting and very caring mother, she’s everything to me and i love her so much. She may be a housewife, but I could say that her job is the best job in the world. My father is a very responsible and a diligent man … he’s a very good provider, a loving father and husband. I can say I have a perfect family, what more can you ask for?

But then, time came when everything seems to be not right, when it seems that things are starting to fall apart. When I was eight, I could clearly remember things that happened, up ‘til now it is so vivid and I can still picture it in my mind. That day, that night, that early morning, the chase, the suspicions, and everything that breaks a young child’s heart seeing his/her parents fighting and crying, I witnessed. It was heartbreaking; it was terrible. I see my mom crying almost every night. I witnessed their fights, their exchange of words. When my father came home at one dawn and told me right in front of me and straight to my face to pack up his things because he and my mama are going to separate, that he wants the marriage to end. He immediately sped up with his car and left us … I was left shocked, my jaw dropped and I could imagine myself with eyes as round as a coin. I couldn’t move, I was left standing for a few seconds, trying to regain my composure and trying to understand why… I was so confused that day that I asked my mama if I would pack up his things and she answered me …’“ewan ko sa’yo”, I don’t know with you’ in English. I was left torn in between. I didn’t want him to leave but at the same time it was his order…but then, i finally didn’t do what he asked me to do.

With all those that happened, I remained close about the thoughts of marriage. It kind of affected my views. It made me wonder why marriage has to be that way. If entering a marriage, a lifetime commitment hurts you emotionally, then why even do it. If it breaks you as a person, that sometimes you feel like you’re losing the respect and dignity that you deserve, why commit. These questions linger in my mind…I don’t know, I’ve never been involved in any relationship before and it’s also because I didn’t want to. Maybe, it’s because I’m afraid of getting hurt. Sometimes, I think being single is great, there’s peace within you and your free of any problems.

My parents’ marriage did survive. Twenty-one years of marriage for sure is tough and rough. We are still together as a family, we still do things together, problems were fixed, shortcomings were forgiven but there is one thing that was lost and it was “trust”. I believe it could not be mended anymore, but my mama would always tell me that she loves my father despite all the hurts. She told me that marriage is something that you should work on and preserve and take care. But, for sure I really love them both despite of all the things that happened.


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