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My Dog Monty

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My dog, Monty is weird.


I know all dog owners say there dog has the most peculiar habits but I am seriously concerned that my dog maybe, well … a little bit simple.


Monty once managed to lock himself in the bathroom at my ex’s house. It was bonfire night and we had been out to a firework display. We got back in the house and I couldn’t find my dog anywhere. I start to panic, thinking he must have had a heart attack and is under the sofa! Check under the sofa and no Monty. Then I hear the unmistakable jingle of his collar coming from the bathroom, but the bathroom door is shut! I open the door and out bounces the stupid one looking very pleased with himself.


After investigation I realize that a firework has hit the bathroom window and in one of Monty’s hyper-mental states, he must have gone crazy at it in the bathroom and somehow managed to shut the door. Judging from the evidence in the bathroom he then tried to open the door by tugging at the towel but only managed to pull it off the hook. I guess he realized he may be stuck in the bathroom for sometime so he put the towel in the bath and made himself a bed and went to sleep. The odd thing is any mention of Monty having to have a bath results in him trying to make himself invisible. He once thought if he put only his head under the duvet I wouldn’t be able to find him. I think his thought process was, “if I can’t see you then you can’t see me!”

I think the funniest thing I ever saw him do was at the beach. We had spent the night at the beach with some friends and decided to go and get some food. We park the car outside the window of a café and as we are tucking in to our bacon and eggs we see a big dog and its owner walk past the car. I thought, oh god here we go, and wait for the manic barking to start. Barking starts but so does flashing of the car lights and beeping of the horn! Monty had positioned himself in such a way that every time he let out a forceful bark, he caught the car lights and beeped the horn. I don’t think the guy walking his dog knew what to make of it all!

Now I am starting to worry that Monty has become a little bit Emoesque! Its not that he has been reaching for his lead, dragging a chair under the light fittings. Looping the lead round it and trying to end it all but sometimes I just don’t get the enthusiasm I expect from him.

“Hey Monty boy how are you?!”


Usually this would be greeted by wagging his tail so hard his head nearly falls off but I’m greeted with a look that says to me, “I’m soooo depressed,” or, “No one understands my pain.”

Of course he is male and getting on a bit so it’s more likely he is suffering from grumpy old men syndrome!

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