At my gym, I needed something to read and since I had forgotten to bring a book, I looked in the trash bin. I found an AARP magazine. I was pleased by its quality until I started reading the articles. The topics started to look alike pass the editorial page, here is a sample:
1. A truckload of medication advertisements. There are several pills, tablets, and prescriptions to ask your doctor about. I get it, you need your knees and your brains to function, but why do old people need weight loss medication? Doesn’t that beat the purpose of getting old? And doesn’t being poor mean you eat less? Only in American can you get aging folks on diet pills. Getting old is no longer sexy.
2. Love to talk crap about young people. They belittle them every chance they get. They are distracted, disrespectful, neglectful, and arrogant. Yes, many of those jabs are warranted, but there’s certainly no need to make others feel like a turd in order to uplift your own spirit. The young people are only a snapshot of you at a younger age. There’s no need to invoke the good old days to help you recount your tales.
3. Some reference to Clint Eastwood and his awesome movies. Yes, I suppose he is a good role model for older folks who say, “I want to be like him when I grow up.” But aren’t there other alpha senior citizens? Or is he the exception to the rule. Clint, please don’t make the under accomplished senior citizens feel bad about their not so glamorous lives.
4. Discounts on dental work and dentures. I know that 9.7 percent of seniors officially live in poverty, but that won’t stop grandpa from smiling at the thanksgiving dinner table. Remember, getting dental work done is not too hard, but figuring out how Medicare can pay for it is an uphill battle.
5. A colorful advertisement for some easy to use phone-big keys and not too many complicated keys and functions. The same goes for devices to use in the event of a medical emergency. Oh, the lengths some old people go to bring back the good old days.
6. Some BS comprehensive bogus study and ranking for best states with home-based care-let me guess Florida wins again. Other studies about supermarket money-saving strategies to further stretch grandpa’s social security check.
7. A Bank that promises grandpa an income protection for retirement. There is nothing that will get grandpa to use his easy-to-use phone like an ad from a bank. Let’s face it you know that social security has many insecurities. By the way, what is the difference between IRA and Roth IRA? Wait do not tell me, I want to find out when it is too late.
8. Cheap vacations, great hikes, and the national parks. The Monthly Travel Tip this month is to take the bus on your next trip; it’s a lot cheaper than flying. Sure I agree, but make sure you sit in the back of the bus—the bladder is funny business. Also, let’s face it you hate to be stuck in a line behind grandpa.
9. Eighty-one reasons why Roddy Murphy is on an eighty-one milligram aspirin regiment. BORING. Fortunately, you do not have to be eighty-one years old to start this aspirin regiment. The House indeed is burning.