WHY? Why do I stay, why can’t I just leave, everyday I feel like I am being beat upside the head with some nonsense, I am so tired of the ****. No matter what I do or say it’s not good enough, I’m so stupid, what a moron, it’s what he says. At this point in my life the only thing I have control of is when—look at that I can’t even think of what I have control of, he doesn’t allow my family to come visit, when I talk to them on the phone he starts asking me questions and getting mad if I don’t answer so that I can hang up the phone, I am not even able to discipline my kids, then he gets mad when I say that my children don’t have respect for me cause I wouldn’t respect me, all he does is intimidate and belittle me, all day long. He owns his own business so he calls me all day long when he’s not popping in, I don’t know anyone in our town, we’ve lived here for five years, I don’t go anywhere but yet and still he wants to act like I’m seeing someone. Oh and god forbid a male calls our phone and it be the wrong number cuz he will swear it was for me, I know I should leave, my children are being raised to think that women should not be respected, that their mother is weak. I have left twice but stupidity brings me back, the second time he even hired a private detective to find me, now anytime we have a disagreement it’s I will put you out, you can leave, he threatens me with leaving me like if he is a prize, I wish I had the courage to say the things I feel and think, but if I said even an ounce of it he would hit me, he threatens the life of my mother and sister to me all the time cuz he knows I love them so, if he is disciplining the children and I comment or even make a facial expression in disappointment their punishment is worse and then he begins to threaten me. He has pushed me around, slapped me, but to him since he didn’t hit me as hard as he could it’s not hitting, I don’t leave cuz I have no where to go that he wouldn’t find me, and he will never leave me alone. I’ve called the police he only got probation, I can’t go thru that again, when I watch the show Without a Trace I wish I could disappear like that, or when Lifetime has shows of women who have help to flee to another state or country I wish it were me. At this point in my life I am finding myself being upset when I hear of someone dying cuz it wasn’t me, at times I think my children would be better off without me here, everyone would, I really don’t know how much more I can take, I am tired.
