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We Communicate from the Start: New Relationships

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Communication Is an Art
Communication is not as easy as one would think, but it’s not that hard either. First we need to look at it from the opposite sexes view point. The art of communication starts all the way back to the “first date” stage, and although it seems that we are only checking each other out and seeing how we “click,” so-to-speak, subconsciously we are doing more than that, and actually starting the communication stage between the two of us. It starts with eye contact to see how interested the other person is towards us regarding what we are trying to get them to understand about us. We are checking out the aesthetic differences between how handsome or beautiful we think the other person is and us. How sexy they are in their mannerisms and the inflection of their speak/voice patterns. You know, all of the little things that we quickly go over to get the preliminaries out of the way in order to get on the real important stuff.


For instance, if a man is to look at a woman’s point of view in learning how we hope to communicate, our likes and dislikes to them; we would want them to get the point on how we’d hope for them to pay more attention to our words and body language when we are happy, upset and just need personal time to ourselves. Yes, we could just come right out and say that, but if you’re really into us, you might just pick that up. Things such as using intuitive communication mostly comes with time in a partnership, however, if he is really into you he will pick something up in your mannerisms. This is where being more romantic comes in and being able to sense the unspoken word.


In a new relationship, women would like for the man to know that we want to build trust first before having sex right off, and I mean, not even on the second or third date. It appears that we have gone back to the times of our grandparents when we hold off until we know that the relationship is going to be worth the effort, unless that’s all we both want is sex; then we just go for it. After all, we are adults and we understand that we get what our hand calls for. We’ve come to learn that holding off from sexual relations saves us wear and tear on our emotions and gives us a sense of personal power. You know; choices!


Sexual Communication Needs Preparation
By the time we get to the sexual relationship stage of a new relationship, the communication between us has already taken shape and would be that we would hope that our man has learned our body and what makes us feel good. Until we feel comfortable about the relationship; he shouldn’t demand or naturally expect that we should have sex with him. And most definitely he should not fool around with other women if he expects that we are to remain exclusive to him. If we are just dating, we both should think of dating as being fun and not so emotionally heavy with a bunch of sexual undertones and expectations. However, if we are both sure of the feelings between us is mutual in this new union, than he should pay careful attention be more romantic and learn our body, and what we like and dislike in the art of touching, holding and kissing. After all, communication is the key component.


Now men on the other hand, I’m told, want us to not expect them to always initiate the sexual communication at all private times between us. We shouldn’t expect exclusivity in the relationship until we have discussed the same with him. He just may not be ready for such a full commitment between you two yet. Don’t push him in to committing. As I understand it, our partner would like for us to be the aggressor at times, as well. Spontaneity is a key factor, when in a new relationship or a long time connection. We shouldn’t hold onto our fears because someone else, in the past, has hurt us emotionally. We can’t charge him for how we feel. I mean he didn’t harm us in any way; in fact he’s trying to make it better and help you to relax, relate and release old inhibitions. At some point, we have to let go of old hurts.


We need to also allow our inner core to communicate with us and we with it in learning how to, now, let go of all fears; or to at least start to learn the process of letting go. Just as women need personal space, we need to allow him his space as well. It seems that men, even more than we women, need personal time with their male counterparts; or maybe just time to be to themselves. We ladies shouldn’t expect them to say that they love us every two seconds. Especially at the onset of the new relationship, and I’ll bet that you agree that that’s definitely a bit needy. Communication goes all the way to our snooping through his things to find out what he’s been into or trying to get out of. You just might find what you’re looking for, and that will only open up a whole new can of worms, so-to-speak. Now say for instance, he has nothing to hide and he realizes that you are going through his things; that alone will make him leave and rightly so.


Timing Is the Strong Point
If you find your self-being judgmental towards him, don’t. Be more accepting of him for who he is and how he is. Don’t try to make him over. After all, that’s just what we expect from them, towards us. Now ladies, men aren’t as forthcoming with their emotions as we; especially early on in a relationship. So, I wouldn’t nag him into telling you word or word about how he feels about your relationship and you. If you do ask, allow for time to pass, waiting for the answer. He’s not a mind reader, so don’t expect him to react exactly as you think he should at any given moment or instance. Don’t take everything so personal. His actions aren’t meant to be an affront to what you are discussing. He’s probably being honest with his answer. This is probably how he and his male friends answer questions asked between them, and women want or expect them to answer us as our girls would respond to a question. Well, men aren’t that sensitive. Not most of them anyway.


Say you are trying to get him to understand how you would like for him to treat you or respond to your questions. If you are going to compare him to another lover, you’d better make sure that he comes out smelling like a rose, and not up-play the other guy. Jealously isn’t the emotion that you want to get from him. Our process of communication needs to grow up as well. Do you remember when your mother used to tell you that you shouldn’t complain to your girlfriends about your man, because one of them may take that as her opportunity to try to make him hers and take back to him, everything you told her, negatively; about what he does. And, don’t you think that that would hurt him?


Remember people, communication between us will remove a lot of wear-n-tear from our effort, emotions and relationships. It’s not as hard as it may seem. We just use some of the tips that we learn and see if it applies to our friendships/relationships. Yes, we are just that good, however, someone else might be better so we need to take care if that relationship is what we want to keep, and fine tune our communication skills with our mate and ourselves.

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