The Buffet Conundrum

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Some people avoid buffets because they’re afraid they won’t get their money’s worth. I’m afraid that I will.
My fears of the buffet, whether at an all-you-can-eat Chinese restaurant or Saturday night Bar-Mitzvah or wedding, is simply perplexing.

Consider this: As a long-term OFS-er, and could EASILY get my money’s worth at any local salad bar or all-you-can-eat-lobsterfest. Unfortunately, I am also plagued with the predictable gawking by onlookers, fascinated with my consumption abilities.

My need to avoid these situations is also motivated by the “day after” remorseful and self-deprecating torment I will undoubtedly be forced to suffer, when I succumb to the pleasures of overeating. Before I was aware that my OFS was not the norm, I used to brag about my ability to “eat like a truck driver.”

Little did I know that this was not a character trait of which I should boast. And so, I began the silly, sing-song dainty dance announcing, “I’m full!” and placing my fork politely on the plate, when in fact, my belly was rumbling as I was eyeing the mountains of food at a ten-foot table, begging me to take seconds and thirds and . . . well, you get the idea. I think buffets should be outlawed. They cheat the “normal” customer, who eats only a fraction of what he/she pays, and they coax the rest of us silent sufferers with the urge to dive, head first, into the giant bowls of chocolate pudding. 

Europeans have it right: small portions on large plates. 


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