Valentine’s Day is not the time to get creative or funny when it comes to something as serious as chocolate. We want something indulgent and delicious; that doesn’t include the $2.99 box of chocolates you pick up from Walgreen’s on your lunch break, although even that would be a step up from some of the terrible chocolates out there.
Here are eight chocolates guaranteed to make you single this Valentine’s Day.
1. Chocolate Bullets
Nothing says romance like a few rounds of ammo (chocolateammo).
2. Chocolate Foot
This is not the way to introduce your foot fetish into the relationship (thisnext).
3. Chocolate-Covered Pork Rinds
I know bacon and chocolate are really hot right now, but this is taking the trend too far (amazon).
4. F-Cup Chocolate Cookies
These cookies may not make your lady’s breasts grow, but it will ensure you a trip to the emergency room after you give them to her (therandomshop).
5. Chocolate Heart
Giving her your heart is sweet, but wanting her to eat it, too? (thisnext)
6. Chocolate Cheese
Just like chocolate and gum, or chocolate and pork rinds, some things should never be mixed. Cheddar cheese and chocolate make my list (msu).
7. Kama Sutra Chocolate
Yeah, we know you’re only bringing us chocolate in the hopes of having sex, but couldn’t it be a little more subtle? (tantrachocolate)
8. Chocolate Poop
Do I really need to explain why you shouldn’t buy this? (candywarehouse)
Play it safe on Valentine’s Day and stick with the Valentine’s Day gifts for her or him you know will be a hit. Few lovers want to get bullets or pork rinds on such a romantic holiday. Just remember that and your relationship will live to see another day.
Happy Valentine’s Day!