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Non-Traditional Christmas Cake

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The best Christmas Cake recipe on earth …


Non-Traditional Christmas Cake


2 cups flour
One stick butter
1 cup of water
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
Four large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit


Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup … just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.


Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don’t forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila.  


Bingle Jells!

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