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Santa: Eat Cookies Here at Your Own Risk!

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Even though I read the local food editor’s columns with slavish devotion, my culinary masterpieces this season have been more suitable for Rover than for the gang at work.

I excitedly checked my recipes for the best ones from the past, fashioned a grocery list, and made a beeline for my neighborhood grocery store as soon as my work shift ended this morning. I had it all planned out; I would give my vet and his staff a coconut cake; the work gang would get chocolate pecan jumbles, coconut macaroons, just a few ricotta cheese cookies, and some chocolate chip pound cake.

Once home, after unloading $50 worth of butter, cream cheese, flour, pecans, sugars, coconut and chocolate chips, I crafted my schedule with great care; I’d make the coconut items as well as the chocolate jumbles this afternoon. The ricotta cookies and pound cakes would wait until tomorrow.

It’s 3:00 p.m. now, and the kitchen looks like every single utensil and pan has been used; a cookie sheet is balanced on the edges of the sink, all counter space is stacked with items in double-decker style like a parking garage, and I’m exhausted.

First, I tried baking the coconut cake for the vet I have ended up with what I now refer to as “coconut pan bread,” a delectable dish that originated in the middle east: unadorned, not too sweet (seeing as I forgot the sugar originally, dragged the pans out of the oven, and stirred a scoop of sugar into each pan), similar to corn bread, but with coconut. I’m sending it to work with hubby—they’ll eat anything out there. I then progressed to the coconut macaroons. Well, they’re stuck to the cookie sheet with a glue-like stubbornness that I’m not sure how to correct; I’ve tried three spatulas to no avail.Guess I’ll stick a cherry atop each mound of coconut stuck like a tan suction cup on the cookie sheet and send that to work with hubby as well, let those guys figure it out. I know they have solvents in the shop.

I’m tired now, and too discouraged after shopping and “cooking” to ever think I’ll be stupid enough to try holiday baking again. Guess I’ll get some cookies and a couple of cream cakes from the grocery store, spill some granulated and powdered sugar on them, stab them a few times with a toothpick, gouge out a few crumbs for that homemade impression, cover them in colored saran wrap, and no one will be the wiser.

Santa, beware, eat cookies from this homestead at your own risk … wonder if he would like that coconut pan bread?

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