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Life Can Be Gone in a Moment, Part 2

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I never got to hold his hand or touch him for the last time. I never got to see his body or kiss his sweet, sweet face one last time and tell him how much I love him and I can’t do it now it is impossible as so many people have told me, he is gone, get over it.

Get over it? Those words are not in my vocabulary I will never forget my sweet, sweet boy, my angel on earth. I don’t want him to be gone I want him to be here with me, watching him play at his gigs and having the best time of his life, he was so happy when he played his music it was written all over his face and his body language. Now he has no face or body to show me that happiness.

I desperately want him to put his head down on my lap and I can stroke his hair and tell him everything will be fine and hear the word mom again and I know that is impossible now. I want to see him come through the door and give me a hug; he could hug like no other. I use to say to give me hug like you would give to your Gramma and he would hold on to me so tight. I will never get those hugs again and will never be a Gramma.

I remember once when my dad was dying he told me he said the most thing he would miss is watching his grandchildren grown up, that it wasn’t fair that my Grandmother got to see us all grow up coming to our weddings, saw our babies being born. And we all know the results of what happened to Jordan, he will never be able to marry the love of his life, have a beautiful child or for that reason have grand kids. To me this is a complete disaster how could anyone so young be taken away to someplace I cannot even ask him or talk to him and see if he is eating well, or is cold, or does he want new pair of jeans.

Shopping was so interesting with Jordan; we had a lot of fun. My life and his life were filled with love for each other. I regret the day I left Alberta and went to Ontario because I never saw him again, that is an unimaginable vision to me. I need to see him and have to see him but I can’t, a drunk driver took him away from me.

I just don’t understand why anyone would get behind the wheel of a car drunk. Pass a huge transport and then fall asleep, I cannot comprehend that, I will not take this as an excuse for my son’s death as I know it is true. He might as well had a gun as he was loaded in a very large gun (car) and destroyed two lives that were worth both beautiful children. He did not just take away my son; he took away my life, as my life was Jordan as every mother and father knows—their children are their lives. He destroyed our family, my mother, sisters and brothers, and his Father will never get over his death and all of our lives have been changed forever and that is forever. He can’t come back he is dead dead dead!

What on earth was that kid thinking when he got behind the wheel of his car and started to drive down the road drunk. Did he not know the dangers of drinking and driving of course he did he already had a DUI against him but he was lucky he didn’t kill anyone the first time, so he tried and second time and accomplished the are of drinking well driving and he killed my Son and his friend Dan this time.

Totally took two innocent lives away never to be seen again and injure seriously three others, two of my son’s friends and his own friend as well. I hope that he knows what he has done and he can live with it the rest of his life.

Because I have to live the rest of my life without my beautiful son in my life. That kid’s parents have their son and will for a very long time they are two very lucky people they will not have to feel the desperation of loosing a child, they can see him anytime they want. That kid can walk around, be with his friends, and have Christmas, Easter, and all the holidays there are. I can’t have my son anymore for Christmas or Easter or any holiday, I will never see him grow into the man that I knew he would have been and his parents have that and they are very lucky as everyone who has children are.


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