As you may know, the egg donation process is of an anonymous nature. Egg donors may be known by nicknames or just a random ID number to help preserve anonymity. In most cases, both recipients and donors prefer this type of egg donation cycle. However, there may be a time when you might think to yourself: “What is my donor like?” “Who is this woman that is helping me create life?” or “I wonder if my donor and I would be friends.”
These are all natural questions you might ask yourself after selecting an egg donor. The curiosity you are feeling is something most recipients go through; however, some of those act upon their curiosity and feel the need to make a real connection with their donor, rather than a virtual one.
At this point, a third party agency, such as The Donor Source, steps in to help make this dream a reality. We, too, facilitate mostly completely anonymous egg donor cycles. But those who feel the need to have a phone conversation or a face-to-face meeting with their donor will greatly benefit from our experience and our desire to help with these uncommon situations. To meet or speak with a near stranger sounds nerve wracking and uncomfortable; however, having a neutral party on the line or at the meeting will help ease the tension.
Here are some guidelines to keep in mind if you decide you want to interact with your egg donor:
- Go into the situation with an open mind: Your donor may be exactly as you thought she was or even better!
- Keep the phone conversation less than fifteen minutes and the meeting less than thirty minutes: The initial connection should be short and sweet to minimize any awkward silences.
- A face-to-face meeting should take place in a quiet but public area: Think about the patio at your favorite café or a local shopping plaza.
- Come prepared with questions to help the flow of conversation; for example, ask your donor to elaborate on a certain quality/characteristic you find appealing in her profile.
- Allow the egg donor to ask questions of you: Opening up to the donor about yourself will make her more comfortable.
Remember! The initial meeting or phone conversation should be kept light and natural. Try to get a feel of the donor’s personality with simple questions that require more than a “yes” or a “no” answer. Your case manager is able to guide the conversation when needed and prompt both you and the donor with questions. After the meeting is over, you will feel relieved and more comfortable with your donor than before.
Speaking or meeting with your egg donor is not the best option for everyone. It takes a lot of processing and understanding before taking that step. The anonymity of the donation process keeps most recipients and donors feeling safe, which is perfectly acceptable too. We want to be sure you are as comfortable in this process as possible, whether that means being anonymous or taking the leap in getting to know your donor. I wish you the best of luck!
By Missi Manning for FertilityAuthority