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To Tell or Not to Tell?

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Okay, so I need some advice. My husband was married before to a woman that you can make your own opinion about; I will only give the facts. She gave birth to two boys during the course of this relationship, and my husband, assuming they were his own, raised them.


They split when the boys were young and he still has always been their dad. The truth is, neither is his. They are a result of numerous affairs and subsequently, two different dads. The father of the oldest son was my husband’s best friend, almost like a brother. So needless to say, they come from a lot of hurt. The boys are thirteen and ten. My husband and I now have a daughter, and it is always brought up how much she looks like him and the boys have none of his features. They have even asked him why this is. He dodges the questions and I leave the room, as I am uncomfortable with any dishonesty.


I feel he and his wife are doing these children a disservice by not telling them and that they should know who they really are. I also don’t want to be a part of the lie, which causes tension with my hubby and I because when the subject comes up, I don’t help him out by saying some BS line about why the kids look different. My husband says he will not tell them, that it is up to their mother, and she will never tell because to this day, she denies that it is true.


Am I right to think they should know? And as mature adults, he and their mother should sit down together and tell them, on their level of course, of their biology. That’s not gonna happen, so I think my husband should do it. Or one day when they do find out, they will come back to him with distrust because he lied to them like everyone else. This situation really bothers me. I think all children should know where they come from and to live in lies, what are you really doing then? Please give me some perspective.

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