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Thirty Things I Learned from My Grandsons

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First of all, I need to mention that this is my experience with my grandsons. Results may vary with other grandparents. You may also have items to add to this list.


I was blessed with three daughters. As they were growing up, I mistakenly thought that all children were like them: patient, kind, and sharing. They are now grown and have children of their own. They are good mothers, and I’m proud of them. They have given me four grandsons and two granddaughters. The granddaughters are pretty much like their mothers were at various ages.


The grandsons, however, are completely different. Oh, my goodness, what a difference! Here are some things I learned. If any of these apply to your granddaughter, feel free to make the substitution (and you have my sympathy).


So here is my little guide on grandsons:


Chapter One
If you are wearing any kind of shirt, you automatically have a towel, napkin, or tissue. The dirtier it is, the more comfortable it is. And you have a running list of everything you ate that day.


Chapter Two
If anyone displeases you in any way, hit them. This works especially well if you have some kind of inflexible toy in your hand. If you don’t have anything in your hand, you can always pull their hair.


Chapter Three
In lieu of hitting, biting is good.


Chapter Four
If you are bored or sleepy, you automatically have a toy down inside your diaper or pants. This is easier if you can get naked.


Chapter Five
When you get tired of food, toys, or drinks, just drop them where you are. Someone else will clean it up. This is especially entertaining if you can throw it and watch their reaction.


Chapter Six
Whatever you want takes precedence over what anyone else wants.


Chapter Seven
When all else fails, make lots of noise. It is good entertainment.


Chapter Eight
Body noises are best if you don’t have anything else to do. Burps, farts, snorts—anything.


Chapter Nine
If your brother or sister looks like they are having fun with a toy or food, go take it away and wait for the hollering. Then pretend that they wanted you to have it. That’s why you took it.


Chapter Ten
If your brother or sister takes something from you, act like it is the end of the world and make lots of noise. Then refer to Chapter Two.


Chapter Eleven
If someone talks to you or asks you a question you don’t want to answer, ignore them. It is great fun to stare at them as they ask it over and over in different ways.


Chapter Twelve
Only do one task or thought at a time. Multi-tasking is highly overrated.


Chapter Thirteen
Running is the only way to go anywhere.


Chapter Fourteen
Climbing is the only way to get somewhere.


Chapter Fifteen
If you can get your hands on a stick or any kind of tool, hit something. Hopefully, the object will break.


Chapter Sixteen
After it breaks, it ceases to be any fun. Find something else to break.


Chapter Seventeen
If you can’t find anything to break, try your brother or sister.


Chapter Eighteen
Try to climb up on the windowsill. Hopefully, you can open the window and destroy the screen.


Chapter Nineteen
Any locked door goes to the top of the list for things to figure out. If it is locked, there must be something really good behind it.


Chapter Twenty
If someone tells you “no,” that only means you have to try harder to get your “yes.”


Chapter Twenty-One
If someone tells you “yes,” it loses any interest it once had.


Chapter Twenty-Two
Anything an adult puts up high has got to be good enough that you try to get it. This is similar to the locked door. If they don’t want you to have something, it must be interesting.


Chapter Twenty-Three
Playing in dirt or sand isn’t fun unless it gets in your hair, mouth, or other body parts.


Chapter Twenty-Four
Playing outside isn’t any fun unless there is dirt and/or water involved. The exceptions being if a brother or sister is already out there and you can torment them.


Chapter Twenty-Five
If you ask for one piece of candy or other treat and they say “yes,” ask for more and keep going until they say “no.”


Chapter Twenty-Six
If you are told to go take a bath, or change clothes, or go to bed, act like you don’t understand the term. You can stretch this out for quite a long time if you look innocent.


Chapter Twenty-Seven
If you can get grandma to sit down on the floor, she becomes another toy; and you are free to jump and crawl all over her. This isn’t necessarily bad if the grandma is also having fun.


Chapter Twenty-Eight
After grandma finally gets down on the floor, change your mind and want to go outside. It is great fun watching her try to get back up and standing.


Chapter Twenty-Nine
Ask to get down a game with lots of pieces. After opening it and setting it all up, scatter the pieces, change your mind, and run off to play. You will have several minutes alone while grandma gathers everything back into the box.


Chapter Thirty
No matter what you do grandmother will always love you. 

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