Adultery and alcoholism are the ostensible major causes of divorce. The worldwide increase in divorce is impacting children, the financial status of women, the marriage rate, and the labor force as well. Adultery and alcoholism go together like bread and butter. When an alcoholic drinks, their mind becomes different in how it feels and thinks. The alcoholic mind blurs out personal ethics and values and only cares about feeding its pleasures and desires. It’s true; alcohol makes people selfish. After a heavy night of drinking, the alcoholic becomes sober and has to deal with the consequences of their addiction. It is hard to face yourself or your partner after a night of sexual promiscuity. Alcoholics rarely take the time to use sexual protection and thus further, risk their health by exposing themselves to sexually transmitted diseases. After a drinking binge, anxiety and guilt set in and the alcoholic needs to have another drink. It is the emotional part of the addiction and psychologically that is why they drink again.
Alcohol can be a deadly and dangerous substance for an alcoholic, who frequently exhibit an addictive personality. It has ruined many relationships, families, marriages, communities and society in general. The alcoholic, when not drinking, promises their partner that they will never cheat again or repeat their behavior. They may even feel remorse for their sexual escapades afterwards and believe they can keep their promise. However, in reality they can’t. What happens is they start drinking again and lose all inhibitions and they commit adultery again, or do other immoral things they would not do had they been sober.
Once the alcoholic starts drinking there is nothing a spouse can do or say to make them stop. Sure, you can pour their bottle of booze down the sink, but what for? They will just buy more. Alcoholics are devious and conniving when it comes to getting their booze. Where there is a will for alcohol, there is a definite way to get it. You can scream, shout, and nag at the alcoholic to stop drinking, but that won’t work either. What will work is to place boundaries for your self. A very sensible boundary is to let your spouse know that if they continue to cheat on the marriage, then you cannot have sex with them. You certainly don’t want to catch a sexually transmitted disease or put your health and life at risk. It is common sense that you shouldn’t have sex with a person who is cheating on you.
Another good boundary is to not talk to the alcoholic when they are drinking. Why talk to a person who is mentally impaired and unreasonable? It simply doesn’t make sense and is a waste of your time. Remove yourself from the presence of alcoholic who is drinking and resume communication, support, and love when they are not drinking. A recovering alcoholic takes at least six months to fully recover from their low self worth and guilt from all the damage they inflicted upon themselves and their loved ones while drinking.
According to a poll of over 500 women conducted by WomanSavers.com, over 60 percent of women still believe in the institution of marriage. However, over 28 percent have had such negative experiences with marriage that they prefer not to be married at all or just live together. The increase of drug use, and alcoholism may be a factors why today’s woman is gun shy to walk down the aisle.
Alcohol disorders and alcohol-related problems are more common among men compared to women. According to the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, over a lifetime, 27 percent of the population will suffer from a substance abuse disorder. Twenty-five percent of Americans will die of some form of substance abuse. 95% of alcoholics die of their disease, about twenty-six years earlier than their normal life expectancy. Approximately two-thirds of American adults drink an alcoholic beverage during the course of a year, and at least 13.8 million Americans develop problems associated with drinking. Fifty percent of cases involving major trauma are alcohol related. Fifty percent of homicides are alcohol related. Forty percent of assaults are alcohol related.
San Francisco Mayor, Gavin Newsom, was involved in several scandals in 2007. Firstly, he admitted to feeling ashamed of his conduct because he had had sex with his ex-campaign manager’s wife under the influence of alcohol. He has also publicized in popular news channels that he is attending a course to quit his bad habit i.e., alcohol. After this announcement, he lost his total political grip.
The number one way for alcoholics to recover is by joining an alcohol recovery and support group such as Alcoholics Anonymous. By surrounding yourself with others who are recovered or are currently experiencing similar problems, you will gain the strength and knowledge to help overcome your addiction.
By Infidelity Expert Stephany Alexander
Photo Courtesy of WomanSavers