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Alice, Meet Goldilocks

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Alice in Wonderland, meet Goldilocks. (Welcome to twenty-first century dating.)


Two very different fables; one very potent message.


Our dear Alice makes her trek through the famed Wonderland, in hopes of finding her way “home”—all while in a dream. What is home to Alice? This is left up to our interpretation, and thus my comparison of our childhood imagination—and holding the existence of a dating woman in 2011.


Let’s begin by reviewing the major chapters of Alice’s perils, and how these relate to our dating lives:


Down the Rabbit Hole: How easily we are sucked into the tailspin of dating. Down the hatch, one might say? Notice that as Alice succumbs to her dream, so she slides into oblivion …


The Pool of Tears: Now, albeit strange that this chapter falls early-on in the scheme of dating, we all know that this can be true. I am speaking to dating situations that have specifically been categorized as “mistakes”—or, perhaps you’re an optimist, and you prefer to call them “learning curves.” If tears are involved at this point in your relationship, please seek the next available bottle of elixir, and drink … heavily.


Advice from a Caterpillar: There are many days when I’ve felt that advice given from a caterpillar might be the best counsel available on the market. Let’s be honest; they’re cheap, speak slowly, and eventually morph into one of the most beautiful creatures that nature offers. Why would you not listen to a caterpillar? Therapist at $250/hour, or caterpillar at a cocoon’s rate …? Any savvy dating woman would see the comparison leaves no question.


A Mad Tea-Party: We’ve all been there. Our new-found dating scenario brings us to social situation #1. How was that for you? As Alice demonstrates, this party is exactly as titled; Mad. Time stands still, and Alice is grilled with questions by all of the guest’s in-tow. Inevitably, your first dating social scene may begin with thoughts of tea-toasting and crumpet dipping, but alas, you leave feeling as though you were on trial, before a jury has even formed.


Who Stole the Tarts?: OR …Who Stole the “Heart”? I won’t judge your dating situation at this milestone in our story, but we are nearing the end. At some point, one heart is broken—while the other thrives and moves on to enjoy a life of vitality and vigor. If your heart is taken to trial, will you survive …?


Alice’s Evidence: Alice ends her journey by enduring a trial and questioning by Wonderland’s Queen. The Queen in your dating scenari: boyfriend’s mother, friends, boss, past girlfriends, ex-wife, sister’s, etc … you see where I’m going. There are plenty of “Queens” with questionable energy at this point in your dating game.


As the trial ends, and Alice is given the sentence of beheading by the Queen, she shares a poignant message to the Queen and her jury (likely using profanity, but doubtful that it would appear in this childhood entree). Upon exit—and running like mad—Alice awakes … home. She has survived the trials of Wonderland, and undergone a most invigorating and enlightening experience (dating).


Too hot, too cold. Too hard, too soft. Too tall, too short. Too aggressive, too passive…  My darling, Goldilocks, how will you decide?


We all know the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. It’s short, sweet, and ultimately, ends with Goldilocks being shoved out of the Bear’s home after eating their porridge, sitting in their furniture, and sleeping in their beds.


Why is Goldilocks shunned for trying to find her most comfortable moments? More importantly, why was the character of Goldilocks changed in the early 1800s from an old spinster maid, to a young, spunky twenty-something blonde…? I digress with that point.


Are we asking too much to request that our porridge come out at just the right temperature? I don’t think so. The perfect flavor, consistency, temperature and texture, should all be a part of finding your perfect mate.


My points in comparing these two childhood treats; whether you are wondering through dating Wonderland similar to Alice, or trying on various dating scenarios for size, as Goldilocks, it is important to recall the notorious ending to all golden stories of age… “And they all lived…Happily Ever After.”

Your “Happily Ever After” is out there. As you meander through the choose-your-own-adventure Goldenbook ™, called life, fondly recall that all of our heroines of fables past, have had to kiss a few frogs, to find their Prince.

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