Trauma was the big ordeal of last week. Our puppy, Biscuit was neutered.
My husband, Lorenzo was a wreck. I had to reassure him (more than once) it wasn’t his balls we were removing.
Neutering Biscuit got me thinking about the trauma men must feel when women inadvertently neuter them by refusing their gifts and invitations.
Do you “neuter your man” … Without knowing you’re doing it?
Understanding in relationships can be quite challenging. There are times when a woman, wanting to get her point across to a man, will come off as nagging, complaining and hard to please. A man likes to win. He likes to make his woman happy. He usually won’t stay with a woman who tells him what to do. Consider for a moment, this seemingly innocent scenario: Last week, Rose met a man who said he was very attracted and interested in her. Instead of asking her out on a date or for a cup of coffee, he told her about a business gathering and invited her to come network. Rose turned him down and told him she didn’t like the fact that he invited her to a business matter rather than just asking her out based on the fact that he clearly showed he was interested in her. (Ouch!)
She’s sad because she was really interested in him. She turned him down because she’s tired of men hiding behind business in order to get close to her. This is sad. Sad because the man invited Rose out to get to know her in a safe, non-threatening way. It’s very possible for romance to occur under the guise of a business deal. Sad because Rose didn’t know how to guide the man into romancing her. In her mind, she gave him advice to help him please her. Instead, she neutered him. She didn’t mean to. She just didn’t know.
It’s frustrating for a man, when he’s doing his best to give to a woman and make her comfortable, to be told something else would please her more.
Often a woman will read into a man’s behavior and think he’s doing his best to annoy her. She’ll complain, “You should have done that” or “invited me there” or “given me this instead.” What she’s saying is, “I want more/better/different than what you’re giving me.” And she’s inadvertently castrating him.
If the man does what a woman requests, he’s her “wittle boy.” “Wittle boys” aren’t generally respected by women. If he chooses to go against her and do it his way, he’s her arch enemy. It’s hard to love an enemy. Neither one is content or satisfied.
So what to do?
Ladies, simply say, “Yes. Thank you. Please.”
Stop naggin’ over nothing!
Keep your mouth closed and do it his way unless what he proposes is unethical, illegal, or immoral. When a woman constantly tells a man what to do, he avoids her. And eventually he’ll leave saying, “I’m sorry I can’t please you. Go find someone who can.”
The woman doesn’t understand why he’s gone. “I was only trying to help him,” she laments.
Ladies, stop neutering him by helping him. Let him do it his way and appreciate what he has to offer.