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Are You Sabotaging Your Relationships and Just Don’t Know It?

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Women and men are both different creatures when it comes to relationships, if you haven’t guessed by now. Women think one way, while the men think in a totally opposite direction. Here are five examples of the way women think and the way women actually scare men away without knowing it. (I wish I knew this before all hell broke loose. Well, you know the saying better late than never.)


1. Trying to force or manufacture intimacy will usually push your partner away and not bring him closer.


How many times do you think if you purposely set the mood or give him an ultimatum that you actually are making him “come to terms” with his feelings when in fact all you are doing is pressing the issue and forcing him to feel something he may not. 


Women do this all the time, and I have had my fair share at doing it. You think that if you tell him, “If you don’t make up your mind then I’m going to do it for you,” is really going to get him to decide if he wants to stay together or not just as when we women ask a guy, “Do you like me or not?” Um, maybe he does “like” you but if you don’t give him time to come to terms with how he is feeling, forcing him to “decide” isn’t really going to help our cause, but instead hurt it.


2. Men stick to safe, neutral ground of common interested where as women tend to get personal.


 This is the difference on how men communicate and women communicate. When two women meet for the first time, within the hour they start talking about their personal lives where as men talk about sports, movies, news makers- they rarely get “personal” And what’s funny is, when girlfriends get together and talk about the dates they are on, in their heads they have already analyzed every single detail and what it “must” mean and they totally see things completely different as when men get together and talk about the date. For example, here is a conversation from the hit TV show “The Nanny.”


Max is talking to Niles about what happened with Fran:


“I just lost all self-control, I become like a wild animal.”


And here Fran is talking to Val about the same exact date:


“He was so gentle, he was like a little lamb.”


See, totally different takes on the exact same date and who knows for sure whose side of the story is the actual one. Guys like to talk it up like they are big shots whereas girls like to talk about the romantic side of things.


3. Don’t rush. The pace he wants to take maybe slower than yours and this doesn’t mean he is suffering from Commitment Phobia.


Just because he says something that makes you start planning the wedding after the third date, doesn’t mean that is where it’s headed. Men like to pace themselves. How many times as women do we say, “He’s just sacred!” when in fact he is not sacred, just wants to really get to know who you are and to a guy, that takes time. If you seriously think about it, why do you think it sometimes takes a guy 6 months, or even longer to finally realize that the girl he really is dating, he really wants to be with forever? Because to a guy, there are different stages he goes through:


1. The getting to know who you really are and what you are after.


2. Is it just a spark or will there eventually be an explosion?


3. Can we be separated for a short time and how will she handle that? (In other words, is she clingy or independent?) And finally, when he is surrounded by other women and can’t them attractive, or turned on by them and only can think about “his” girl. 


Men like slow down and just enjoy the moment whereas we women like to speed things up. Chances are the guy you are with isn’t “scared” of being with you and only you, he just needs to time to realize it.


4. Don’t interpret withdrawal as rejection. Give you partner space to deal with his emotions. 


As soon as a man takes two steps back, we women “assume” there is a problem and attack him. I know that I don’t appreciate it when I need some space to sort out my thinking or my feelings and people are shoving their face in mine. That is exactly how a man feels. When you shove it down their throats they will withdraw even more until they are completely making a u-turn for the exit.


5. The minute you trap him or try to trap him wave bye-bye.


Asking questions like, “Don’t you love me?” “Aren’t I beautiful?” “Am I fat in this dress?” You are asking for trouble! Or better yet, when you ask him, “You want to go back to your Ex don’t you?” Or say, “You still love her!” just pack his bag and say bye-bye. Men don’t like being asked questions that make them feel trapped. Once you trap him he’s a goner. Its just like I said in number one, once you put it out there that you don’t trust him or that you don’t respect him, he’s no longer going to be interested in you and therefore, he’s already out the door, emotionally. 


Remember, relationships don’t have to be complicated. The simpler you keep things, the better your chance at achieving your happily ever after. 

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