To Be or Not to Be

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Relationships. They can be a great thing or the worst thing. There are many highs and lows, many sleepless nights. They are beautiful when your partner is your best friend, someone you want to squeeze and hug and just keep shouting “I love you.” It’s beautiful when you can sit down and have a great conversation about anything and everything. It’s beautiful when their touch gives you the chills and when the intimacy is so deep and profound. There are amazing moments to be found in the best relationships. It feels so powerful and so gentle at the same time to be in the arms of someone you just simply adore.

To love is to really give your heart purely and without hesitation. That is ideal. Now what happens when reality hits? What happens when your needs and expectations aren’t met? Do you let the love you have for the person override them? Or do you act selfishly and decide to leave the relationship? People try and converse what their “issues” are and they try talking through it. But there is only so much talking can do and a time where action needs to take place. What if your partner thinks that your needs or expectations are too much and they simply don’t agree? You think to yourself, “I deserve better,” yet you feel glued to the ground. Where is this common ground they talk about? Where is the mutual compromise that helps relationships grow?

Relationships always start going south when one person is involved more than the other. This situation leads to frustration and inevitably, resentment. Being the person that tends to be more emotionally involved, I can tell you that its exhausting. You are constantly “expecting.” You are constantly wondering about their reactions to your gestures, and if its not what you expected (of course) then your feelings get hurt. Once your feelings are hurt, it can take something completely unrelated to trigger a backlash. This is the cycle in which my relationship is stuck in. He and I are two people that care about each other.

We were best friends at once, and still manage to find that friend every once in a while. We are greatly attracted to each other. But there seems to be a major block when it comes to advancing. Thus, it leaves us reluctant to continue the relationship. Then we are faced with reality: that would mean no more, done. No more talking, no more having each other there, and the actuality of that is quite bold. I would even say frightful. We like to have each other there, we enjoy that so why can’t we hold a neutral zone for more than a week? Why do we clash so much? Yes I do love him but I don’t feel important to him. And I don’t feel he shows me what I mean to him. But am I wrong because I expect him to show his love in the ways I would? One would say to appreciate the differences, so why can’t I? Maybe we haven’t reached a point of “okay” yet. Perhaps we need to keep working and trying, with action. There is only so much someone can take so we either won’t make it or we will, I hope for my hearts sake, the latter.


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