I was never a New Kids on the Block kind of girl—I actually remember being embarrassed by the whole hysteria. But just because I didn’t lose my shit over Danny, Donny, or Joey (okay, maybe Joey, maybe just a little, but never openly), doesn’t mean I wasn’t boy crazy. Here are my top five childhood crushes:
1) Atreyu
I first saw The Neverending Story when it came out on VHS—and it blew my six-year-old mind. I watched it at least once a week after that … for at least a year. I loved the Rock Monster and his diet of limestone, Falkor and his creepy laugh, the Ivory Tower and its needy—but stunning—Childlike Empress. What I loved most, though, was its prepubescent protagonist. Not the bed-wetter with the bowl haircut. The other one.
Atreyu was a warrior. A vision in rawhide. Fantasia’s only hope against that ominous force called “The Nothing.” And boy, was he something.
2) MacGyver
Who didn’t have a crush on this man? MacGyver had it all—brains, tenacity, and a nice, tasteful mullet. Always averse to violent solutions (and guns in particular), MacGyver fought evil with ingenuity. He was like the Mahatma Gandhi of 1980s television. What can I say? I love a martyr.
3) Alex P. Keaton
As Marty McFly in Back to the Future, Michael J. Fox never really did it for me. But as the staunch young Republican and eldest Keaton son, he rocked my world. He was cute, cocky, and quick-witted. In stark contrast to his hippie parents, he was totally obsessed with wealth and power. I knew our politics were different. But I didn’t care.
He made me laugh (admittedly, most of his snide remarks went over my head). I loved Alex P. Keaton like he loved Reaganomics. And that’s a lot.
4) The Hogan Twins
I know this technically counts as two, but hear me out. Most girls of this era (and who actually watched this show … anyone?) had a thing for Jason Bateman. Not me. I liked the diversity of appeal offered by the twins. One was a brain and the other was a bad boy. Both had boyish good looks.
Call me greedy, but I just couldn’t choose between these two hotties. Not then, not now. So don’t make me.
5) André from The Real World, Season One
It was 1992. Ugly Kid Joe was in my Discman. Reality television was a novelty. And MTV was more than just fist pumps and hot tub orgies. The first season of the Real World brought together a diverse group of people who fought about race, politics, and sexuality. It was so Gen-X, and I ate it all up.
Andre was the lead singer of the as-of-yet unsigned band Reigndance. I fell hard for his long curly locks and bashful demeanor. I scoured magazines for more information on the band and the man behind it (mind you, this was before the internet made stalking so easy). To my delight, I found their P.O. Box in an issue of Metal Edge. I sent some fan mail and requested a demo tape.
Did I ever hear back? Any day now…
This story was originally published on my blog, Lipstick & Lemonade
