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I didn't think it was possible that I could break any more than I already have. I thought that broken was broken, and that once I shattered — which I did beautifully — nothing could hurt me anymore. But I am still learning. It has taken me so long to put your memory away, to push past you, to find happiness in other places. And it would figure that just when I start to feel not so broken anymore, that you would decide to find me again.

The problem is that once something breaks, you can put the pieces back together, but all the glue and tape in the world cannot restore the object to its original state. There will always be a point, or sometimes several points of weakness where the cracks still show, the paint has chipped, the colors have faded. Most of the time I am brilliant. I hide my cracks and chips well. But where you are concerned, it doesn't take much to bring my imperfections to light. It is because I still love you. We have already established that. I will always love you.

But I cannot allow you to diminish my brilliance any longer. We have been down this road before, you and I. More than once. The feelings are intense, the emotions are overwhelming, and it is all too easy to get swept away. But we have lost trust and damaged friendship and broken each other's hearts more times than should be allowed. We have had our chance, our many chances. And we can't manage to get it right. So that tells me it's time to stop. I don't want to break anymore.

I am where and who I am because of you, and I wouldn't take any of it back. But now I need to let go, because every time you come back, I let you in only to find myself breaking just a little bit more. I'm done holding onto you, done wishing things were different. Some things just cannot be, and despite our best efforts it appears that we are one of those things. I love you forever and for always, but I am going to disappear now. You will not find me again. I am done being broken.


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