I am a mother of two children, ages three and six. I’ve been with my husband for eleven years and married for seven years. My husband travels for work and is away often. My husband is an alcoholic. Now that I look back, the signs were always there. I just never took the time to notice them. My life has been a roller coaster. I have thought of leaving him numerous times but never had the courage to do so.
In the past year, things have escaladed to worse and don’t seem to be getting any better. Last year, my husband’s drinking was so bad that he would be sober two days out of the week. He would be so drunk that I was feeling so much hatred for him and wish that God would take him away for treating us like that. This went on for months until I told him that if he didn’t get help that I was going to leave him with the kids. He agreed that he had a problem and needed to get help which didn’t last. He gave me every excuse in the book and told me that he is the one who chooses to drink and that he can control it if he wants to.
Our marriage has been pretty rocky for a few years. Last year I ended up with a kidney infection which led me to be hospitalized for seven days. I had to call a friend of mine to bring me to the hospital since my husband was too drunk to bring me. He didn’t come see me at the hospital the first two days when I needed him the most. He stayed home and got drunk since the kids were staying with my cousin. As of today, I still can’t forgive him for that.
Another incident that pushed me over the edge was last summer at my cousin’s wedding. Since I was in the bridal party I had to stay behind after the reception to clean up. My husband went to the bar with my relatives, which was fine with me. He finally showed up at my sister’s house (where we stayed) at five in the morning. He ended up at a hotel room with one of my cousin and her friend. The next day it was the wedding brunch and my cousin approached me and said that she needed to talk with me. She said that my husband asked her to sleep with him and according to her put his hands on her legs and kissing her neck. She said that they didn’t sleep together because she said no and since we were cousins. When I confronted my husband in front of her; he said he was sorry to her and that nothing happened. When I talked with him afterwards he said that he didn’t remember anything and that nothing happened. Then next day we had to drive back home, which took twelve hours. In my mind, I had enough and was ready to leave him. When we got home I told him that when he would be back from his trip (work) that me and the kids would be gone. We deserved better and we weren’t garbage bags. That night he broke down and said he would get help no matter what it took to keep us together. He got counseling for a while and completely stopped drinking for 1 month. Things were looking good even though I didn’t think it would last. After that he started drinking one to two a month.
He now binges for two to three days at a time, two to three times per month. His drinking is escalading and his face is getting swollen and red. I am getting concerned for his health. We never fight since he always walks away. I don’t talk to him when he drinks. My children are still too young to understand that daddy likes his alcohol more than us. My kids adore my husband. When he’s done his binges he feels bad and apologizes but I keep telling him that this has to stop and he needs to get help or this will take his life away just like it took his father’s life at forty-two. I don’t believe that my husband respects me since he lies to me constantly about his drinking. We get along great when he doesn’t drink since we have so much in common. I know I need to leave; I’m not sure if I am ready! I feel guilty when he cries and don’t want to hurt him by leaving since I still love him. I need someone to take care of me for a change. Can someone please help me?