Hey ladies and savvy gents, do you find yourself dating the same types of people, the same way, over and over again, expecting it to end differently?
That one, wild hope that ‘this one might be different.’
I’ve got news for you—it’s not about them being different. It’s about you.
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, with the expectation of different results. So why do we do this with dating?
Does this sound familiar?
- You continue with the same online dating site, even though you haven’t had a good date off it in years.
- You keep holding on to the idea of a person, hoping love might bloom when it never has before. (Here’s a hint, it likely won’t. Best thing you can do is let go, move on, and see what happens in your life as a result).
- You keep trying the same ways of meeting guys, flirting, starting relationships that end the same way. Awkwardly. Uncomfortably. With sobbing phone calls to your friends about how you thought he’d be different (you feel me? There’s no way that’s just me.)
After years of the same old same old—with the same old results, I decided to try ‘dating from different.’ It means that I put my self in different situations, did different things, looking for different results.
It’s been really hard to break some lifelong patterns, but the results have been amazing. Not only for the relationship I’m starting (yep! My approach totally worked!) but the sense of fun and play that has infused my dating life, which is so much better than white knuckle stress that used to be there.
Here’s how you can ‘Date From Different’
When you’re at a crossroads choice moment, ask yourself “what’s the ‘different’ thing to do here?” Go with that. Try it out. See what new it brings you. At least you won’t be going on the exact same boring dates anymore!
Here are some specific ideas:
If you are a serial online dater, commit to going to three in-person events this month. Oh, and talking with people. Or try a new site.
If you’ve never tried online dating, throw up a profile! It really is an easy access way to meet new people.
Where do you like to go on first dates? Change it up! There are so many places for great first dates, pick someplace new. Not a similar but different café, something totally different. You like to go to cafés? Try a wine bar. Let the unknown energy of a new environment enhance your date.
It can be little things too, try asking more questions, not revealing everything about yourself in the first five minutes, (or do! Do whatever is different for you) or wearing a different ‘first date outfit’ (please, we’ve all got one.) Rotate yours out for something different.
Here’s why it works
Dating differently works because if you wear the same outfit, go to the same location (or type of location), ask the same six questions, you’re conditioning yourself to expect the same results as all those other times before. Your body and subconscious start to expect it, and you create ways to prove yourself right. Human nature strikes again!
Instead, if you’re in the new, your senses are on high alert. You don’t know what to expect so you’re paying attention to everything, including the way he’s leaning into you at the bar, instead of your friend that just walked into the café. You’re focused, on high alert, ready for anything, including the amazing potential between the two of you.
So get out there and date from different! I can’t wait to hear how it goes for you and what new it brings into your life!