Dating Key #5: Real Women Find Their Man
This is the fifth and last in a series of articles sharing my Five Keys to Finding Hope and Finding Him. The Five Keys are:
M - Me and Me first.
A - Assess your list.
S - Shed your stuff.
T - Time to get out and Trail blaze.
R - Real women find their man.
The truth is that as we get older, the ratio of single men to women begins to favor men. That means there’s a lot of competition, especially for the confident, healthy, relationship-minded man you want to meet. That good man has a lot of options—and I want you to be the one he chooses!
In Key #4, Time to Get Out and Trail Blaze, I wrote about how to make that initial connection with a man. That can be momentary, so after that (if you like him) you want to keep him interested and intrigued. That’s what makes him want to see you again and again.
I teach this at length to my private coaching clients and in my master the mystery of meeting men after forty telecourse. Today I want to give you the most important ingredient: Connect with him.
This can actually be easy: we just tend to make it difficult. The most important part of connecting with a man is being the real you. Women can expend so much energy trying to twist like a pretzel to fit what we think men want us to be. It’s crazy because, first, we are often wrong about what men want. Second, men—the mature, smart ones who know something about women—can see right through the charade … and it’s a huge turn-off.
If you seem to be holding back or acting a part, he’s going to assume you’re either insecure in who you are or are hiding something. He will assume he’s not meeting the real you, and you will not make a connection. Hence one of my very favorite quotes:
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not, so each is inevitably disappointed—Albert Einstein.
So how do you learn to feel comfortable being the real you? My first three keys to finding hope and finding him are designed to set you up for precisely that. When you have done your work on Key #1 (Me and Me First), you give yourself permission to focus on yourself and learn who you are. You also learn to brag about yourself to men in a graceful way. You have fallen in love with yourself. You are comfortable with what you offer as a potential mate, including coming to terms with your perceived imperfections. (Or maybe you have worked on them and made some necessary shifts.)
Then, Key #2 (Assess Your List) sets you up with clarity about the man and relationship that will make you happy for life. Key #3 (Shed Your Stuff) helps you knock down the walls and clear the junk that holds you back and keeps you afraid.
So, think of it: you know and like yourself, you know what you want, and you have the courage to go get it.
And you relax into dating. The more relaxed you are the more fun you have and the more attractive you are to men. And you get more dates with the good guys!
When I was single and finally realized that not only was it okay to be me but it was best, I was driving home from a date. And for the very first time, I wasn’t exhausted. And I got a call for the next date!
Real women find their man. It’s a proven fact. (By me!)