Recently the NY Yankee star Alex Rodriguez was seen out with a woman other than his wife. The press is having a field day and the New York Post headline read “Stray Rod—Alex hits strip club with mystery blonde.” We want to believe that because he is married—he is happy—if he is happy he is normal, therefore oh my god he is with another woman, oh how can that be. Maybe A-Rod and his wife aren’t having sex. Maybe his wife doesn’t want to have sex because she too tired or no longer attracted. Maybe there is too much emotional resentment they barely speak. We don’t know and the maybes are endless; nonetheless A-Rod, like a lot of men and public male figures is only following his basic instinct. The irony is that we all have troubled relationships; I’m sure some of the reporters and photographers that covered that story are in sexless marriages.
If and when a woman is in a high emotional state, her man has to be patient and does his best to support her back to being in balance. Sometime this takes hours, sometimes days. We all know that women can hold on to an undesirable event from the past and conjure up that emotion to support her argument today or to topple her man. Then he still has to find a way to bring her back to an emotionally balanced state.
Is it right that a woman doesn’t have to take responsibility for her emotional states? If she feels the need to cry should she and make her man the go-to guy to rebalance her even want he is not in the mood. Shouldn’t she wait for a better opportunity to cry vs. during the final quarter of the championship game? When she wants to cuddle—just because the movie ended on a sad note or cuddle after sex because that’s what she wants and he doesn’t? His need is to leave and when he does he is a jerk. Why are men punished for not being on stand by for her emotional ups and downs?
She said just because—because you should love your significant other through the thick and thin of it. If a person is raised by parents who aren’t the greatest role models, parents who didn’t give there daughter the necessary tools to feel confident and walk with high self esteem. Then why is it the men she loves responsibility to build her esteem self up and then be criticized for his honesty. When she ask do I look fat in these jeans? 1) There is only one answer—No. 2) Why is he put in the position to make her feel better by lying? Isn’t the way we feel about ourselves own responsibility? Isn’t that a form of emotional abuse to make them say something they really don’t feel? If he said yes you look pretty fat in those jeans, we all knows what happens? She’s not going to say thank you honey for being honest. It’s a loaded question to make her feel good about herself and he is the biggest ass-hole man of all time. I’m not saying that men shouldn’t be supportive and be there for their women. It’s just not fair of a woman to ask a men not to follow his biological need for sex, in other words to tell a man not to be a “cheater”; when on the other hand she is given carte blanche to pander to her most important need of being emotional. When she does it is without any apology, regret, or compromise. Why is it ok for women to fulfill her emotional need and not men? Like a man it is her genetic code that dictates her needs.
Some would argue that being emotional is different from having sex with another person while you are in a relationship. I would argue that yes they are two different acts, but the point isn’t about the act – it’s about males and females meeting their biological needs. Neither sex can say that their need is better or more legitimate than the other. Neither can ask the other to surrender their needs that make men, men and women, women, for the sake of feeling better about them.
All is not lost. There are some basic reasons why a man won’t follow through on his sexual impulses to “cheat.” 1. If he cares about his wife/girlfriend enough that if he “cheats” and she finds out he knows it will really hurt her and he can’t handle her emotional pain—so guilt is his guide. 2. If he gets caught “cheating” he has too much to lose—reputation, money or career—lost is his guide 3. He doesn’t want to “cheat” because his girl is so amazing she fulfills his every sexual need (highly unlikely)—then satisfaction is his guide. So basically it come down to what Chris Rock said, “Men are only as faithful as their options.”
This ends the way it began, do men really cheat or are men just following their basic ancestral lineage to desire women?
Part 4 | (Part 1)