So, you’re about to go on a first date? With more Americans utilizing the internet to meet their match, what do you talk about on a first date? Haven’t you already asked and answered all the questions on your profile and/or in email exchanges, chat sessions, texting, phone calls? Not even close. You’re looking for a real, honest connection in the face to face. Many people grapple with the realization that “real, live” dating isn’t any easier just because you got to know someone online.
So here are some revealing and interesting questions to help you out on your first date. They’re not presented in any particular order and aren’t the only good questions you can ask. They’re designed to expose compatibilities and in-compatibilities without being rude or annoying. They’re casual, easy questions that, if used properly, give you a lot of information about the other person.
When you ask questions, remember, you aren’t looking for only the simple one line literal answer to the question. You are trying to provoke a conversation that lets the other person tell you about their self. In that spirit, remember to listen carefully, and ask follow up questions to keep the conversation flowing. Look at it as an opportunity to share common ideas, or even to give one another a friendly challenge. But do not try to compete or out brag one another. That would be a waste of opportunity.
1. Do you like roller coasters?
People who like roller coasters tend to like sensation and excitement. They’re probably willing to take some risks. When you ask if they like coasters, no matter what they answer, ask them why. Get them to talk. If you don’t like roller coasters, and they do, chances are, they’re going to always make you feel uncomfortable. They’ll seem pushy and challenging. If you do like roller coasters and they don’t, there’s a good chance you’ll find them dull and boring.
2. What do you notice right now?
This question may surprise people, and they’ll ask what you mean. The question is designed to provoke their attention, so you’ll need to follow up. Ask if they’re willing to play a game. If they’re not, they are probably pretty difficult to get along with. That’s important info. If they say yes, ask them to close their eyes and tell you what they hear. Get them to reach for every subtle nuance, every bird, cricket, whisper, and sigh.
As they start to get into it, ask them what they feel. Their clothes, the chair, air moving on their skin. You’re only trying to find out how sensitive and aware they are, and how willing to play along and engage deeply with you. Why do you want this information? Two reasons. First, if they’re good at paying attention and connecting to their awareness, chances are they’re very responsible—they’re less likely to be clumsy and careless, more likely to tend toward success in life. Second, it indicates how they will be sexually. Will they have a tendency to connect and share sensual pleasure, or are they bothered by details and sensation.
3. What would you say if I said “sex”?
This may seem risqué, but think about it for a minute. You’re NOT asking them to have sex with you. You’re seeing how they react to the word “sex.” You’re finding out their ideas about sex. Do they get offended? Do they assume you’ve just asked them to have sex with you (because you have NOT). Do they feel it’s creepy or embarrassing?
Or do they find it amusing and bold? Are they willing to talk about sex without getting creepy and weird, and without making false assumptions? Can they become flirty but not come across awkward, overbearing, or weird?
If you time it right, this can be the most powerful and liberating question you can ask. It clears the air. You’ve probably been thinking about sex anyway, so this breaks the tension and lets you talk about it, and have fun with it. It shouldn’t be the first question you ask, and you should pay attention to whether you have chemistry with this person or not. Don’t ask this if there’s really no spark. But if you feel that subtle tension of chemistry, break the tension and have a conversation.
If you get comfortable with the subject of sex, you may actually talk about safe sex in a non-threatening way. You’ll get a feel for whether they’re comfortable with their self and their body. If they aren’t, sex will be more difficult. You may get a feeling they’re harboring trauma or resentment. This is important information. No matter what, try to keep it light. Don’t make it intense, dramatic, creepy, or embarrassing.
NEVER, ask about the sex they had with others, and never talk about others yourself. This would predictably lead to hard feelings, judgment, and competition between you.
But the subject of sex has to come up at some point. You’ll be surprised how many people are relieved by the opportunity to speak about this subject. If you ask this question, you may not need the others.
4. What’s your father/mother like?
Find this out early. If they had good parental influence they will be more stable and happy. An unstable father or mother often leaves a lot of residual trauma to deal with.
5. What do you know about science?
We live in an amazing world, shaped by scientific and natural wonders. In fact, science keeps exposing us to ever greater natural wonders. I’d suggest you talk about science before talking about religion. Spiritual topics can be a very important part of compatibility, but a person’s attitudes about science and nature will reveal a lot about them spiritually without the confrontation of having religious conversations too soon. If they don’t at least watch the Discovery Channel once in awhile, it may indicate they don’t take much interest in the creativity and beauty around us. Smart people look for a spark of intellect and passion in others. An interest in science can be an indicator of intellect and passion.
6. What’s your favorite joke (or what really makes you laugh)?
This exposes their sense of humor, and tells you if you share it or not. Humor is surprisingly important to many people. Shared humor can form a bond that overlooks a lot of other personal defects.
7. If you could be anywhere, doing anything right now, where/what would it be?
People will tend to pursue their dreams. Find out what those dreams are. It’s often the strongest part of a person, and you need to know if you’d enjoy sharing that power, or if it threatens you.
8. Is life serious work, or a fun game?
Serious people don’t get along with people who aren’t as serious, and vice versa. You need to match these values. Unless you want the other person to counter balance you. In any case, you need to know which type they are. Mature people will tend to know that life contains serious, important elements that demand discipline and integrity, but they also know how to loosen up and have fun.
There are no right or wrong answers. You’re only looking for information. If you ask a question and really need the other person to answer it a certain way, you’re bound to be disappointed. But if you get into a conversation, you may find them to be interesting even when they disagree with you. That’s good. Or you may find they’re over bearing, or uninteresting, or simply don’t share your values. That’s good too, because you won’t fight for a second date that you really shouldn’t be going for.
Remember, if you want a person to like you, get them to talk about their self. If you want to leave the impression that you’re a very interesting person, don’t talk about your own experiences and achievements. Listen to theirs. And if they don’t eventually ask you what interests you, then you know they’re pretty self centered, and that’s important information too.