I think I like the idea of sex shops more than I actually like going to them. It’s not like I feel ashamed or anything like that; I just feel…boring. All the furry handcuffs, crotchless panties, and strange lotions and potions promising the wildest of nights with me and my special someone make me wonder if I’m not as adventurous between the sheets as I should be.
I went to a sex shop recently with a few of my girlfriends because one was in need of a new vibrator. I listened as one of my friends schooled the rest of us on almost every vibrator on display. “This one’s really fun to use with a partner, and this one gets the job done if you only have a few minutes,” she explained, pointing out her favorites. I remained silent, as I’ve only tried one or two in my life, and they’re about as basic as you can find. (Hey, they get the job done, so no complaints here.) Then I watched semi-jealously as she loaded up her shopping basket with scented candles, flavored lube and an “under the mattress restraint system” because it “looked like funsies.” Here I was feeling iffy about the massage oil I’d put in my basket because I worried about it staining the bed sheets, and this girl was embarking on a bondage journey without a moment’s hesitation.
I talked to my husband about my sex shop experience afterward and he assured me that I’m not a fuddy duddy in the sack, but still … I bet he’d be so excited if I came home with a do it yourself bondage kit or even some body chocolate. We’ve been together for a few years now and the sex is still great and frequent, but I know that eventually like all old marrieds we’re going to have to spice things up or risk becoming one of those couples that have to schedule sex on the calendar for it to ever happen. I may balk at edible panties or have a genuine fear of giant, veined, oddly colored dildos, but the idea of a nonexistent sex life in the future seems far scarier.
So I’m starting to experiment with different things and test my comfort boundaries now. The other night I tied up my hubby’s wrists with his necktie and put a blindfold on him, and he loved it. He enjoyed the new aggressive side of me, and I enjoyed it too. It gave me confidence to try something even bolder next time. Maybe I’ll ask my friend about her restraint system …
But I still feel like I have so far to go when it comes to fun bedroom activities. DH and I are talking about different ways to act out our fantasies, but I’m still nervous that I won’t be able to live up to his. Does anyone else ever feel this way or am I alone on the remedial train heading to sexual adventure land? Can any of you ladies give me some advice on how to get more confidence in the sex shop aisles? Or at least recommend a good brand for body chocolate?
