I am not sure if I am writing this for myself, or for the young or mature women who find themselves trapped in an abusive marriage or relationship—which I was for many years.
The first question I am sure you are asking: Why would anyone in their right mind stay and be belittled and abused as I was? Now that my husband has passed away, I still find myself trapped, afraid to trust people again. This is my big issue.
I guess I will start on how we met. I was divorced and basically had very low self-esteem. Even though I had lost over one hundred pounds through hard work and starving.
I answered his ad he had in our local paper. We talked for hours. He was such a wonderful guy, he knew just what a woman wanted to hear; a woman who had low self-esteem. We met and I kissed him first.
After three weeks we were living together. First it started out with his household demands of the house and laundry. Within six months it became physical. But he was always so sorry. He would never do it again. Well, after three times of putting him in jail for domestic battery. Plus fourteen years of physical and mental abuse, he passed away. at only fifty. Would I do again? NO! Would I still be with him if he was still alive? Yes. Huh? I am sure you are wondering why.
When you suffer from codependency, you feel worthless and hopeless. Please! Get help! Don’t waste your life like I have. But now, for the first time in years, I am learning to live, which is far from easy. Listen to that little voice … LEAVE!