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Even Happy Marriages Need Frequent Review

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Soon to be married and not quite sure if your guy is the right one for you, then I say, “Run.” If you choose to ignore my advice, plan on going ahead with the wedding, but still have doubts then you should pick up a copy of the book, “Is He the One? 101 questions that will lead you to the truth, whatever that is”, by Susan Swimmer. Why 101 questions, I don’t know, I didn’t question it, I just read it. So, why did I, a woman who has been married twenty years read such a book? I had to make sure I married the right guy.

I chose to go over some of the questions with my husband, over dinner, in a restaurant. At first it was difficult getting his attention as he was trying to catch the score of the Yankee game being televised in the restaurant. I was halfway thru question number one—can he tell the difference between a serious problem and a minor irritation, when he complained how the guy standing in front of the television, blocking his view, was really irritating him. My answer to question number one—honestly, no, not always. Question two—have you learned anything from him? Yes, never stand in his way while he’s watching a ball game.

Once I had his full attention I started the questioning. Question number three—what does he consider his best life experience? Upon reflection, my husband asked,”Let me get this straight, my answer, whatever it is may wind up in newspaper print?” “That would be correct.” Well then, I’d say, my best life experience was the day I married you, REALLY.” Question number four—I read to myself. Have you ever suspected him of lying? I quickly reread his answer to question three, looked at him while he was sneaking peeks to watch the game and thought, absolutely not! Question number five—does he know your hairdresser’s name? He came close; he got the first letter right. However, he knows the names of our three kids so I gave him points. Question number six—what’s his biggest fear? That’s easy. The two of us getting a divorce and me giving him sole custody of the kids. Sweet revenge! My biggest fear? Same as his, it’s what keeps us together. Question number seven——does he sigh a lot? Sighing can be a sign of a melancholy nature or a subtle form of nonverbal complaining. Tonight, the only time he sighs is whenever the same guy blocks his view of the baseball game. Question number eight—can he happily spend an evening at home with you without having sex? Yes, but he may sigh a lot.

Without knowing it by ordering one piece of chocolate cake with two forks for dessert he answered question number nine—does he anticipate your wishes? Yes, not only did he anticipate my wish, he granted my wish. I loved that he overlooked the fact that I ate more than my share; or maybe it was the fact that the one eye he kept on the cake wasn’t paying as much attention as the one eye he kept on the game. Last and final, question number ten—what does it take to make it last? “We’ve been married twenty years and you ask me this now?” “Well, I didn’t have the book twenty years ago.” With a sigh he quipped, “Eat your cake and be happy.” I sighed, but I complied. That night he was happy, the Yankees won. I won twenty years ago when I married the one for me.

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