I often wonder if there is a sure shot way to make one’s marriage completely affair proof! Many would argue there is not, and even I thought there isn’t. After all, marriage is a sensitive relationship and involves two people. We can control our urges and temptations, we can alter and improve our behaviours, but that may still not deter our spouse from philandering around.
But after reading a lot of material on the subject, meeting hundreds of couples, and from my own personal experience, I can bet that with conscious efforts and a bit of patience, a marriage can be made free of affairs or cheating, of any kinds.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
Mignon McLaughlin has said it right. If we fall out of love with our spouse that does not mean the marriage is doomed to fail. Instead, make efforts, fall in love all over again, and feel the bliss again.
Marriage is not just about being happy and making him happy. It is actually about bringing out the best in all the three—yourself, him, and the marriage. If we bring out the best in him, we get the best from him. And he is the best to us when he feels or rather we make him feel that he is the best husband in the world.
Another key is—communication. Communication is the key to any successful marriage. It means talking, not blaming. In an argument, talk, but don’t blame. If committed a mistake, tell and confess and feel sorry, but don’t cover it up or defend unnecessarily. If there are conflicts, resolve them without debating or shouting and if there are few unmet demands, ask. Ask politely without being demanding.
The following five points ensure a happy, successful marriage that is resistant to any kind of infidelity.
Learn his love language—In his book, The Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman identifies five love languages of a person. He insists on the importance of understanding and speaking your spouse’s language. According to Dr. Chapman, these five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and physical touch. In order to make our spouse feel loved, we first need to understand what makes him feel loved and then do the same thing so that he feels we understand him and do things that he likes.
Connect with him emotionally—Cheating is not always sexual. In fact, emotional cheating is even more fatal than sexual. Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman thinks men cheat when they don’t feel emotionally connected with their spouse. This emotional disconnection makes them vulnerable to extra marital affairs and leads them on to the paths of straying. So have emotional dependency on him and also try to make him emotional dependent on yourself.
Foster a healthy, honest relationship—Marriage means companionship. Cultivate a relationship, a rapport that is honest in nature. Be honest with your partner and then expect him to be honest with you. Not that in candid, sincere relationships affairs don’t happen, but if they do, the partners are sensitive and open about their feelings and they are the first ones to confess. In such a situation it is much easier to measure the damage and to repair it. Please read Ingredients of a Happy Marriage to learn about the many ways of making a marriage successful.
Open Communication—Talk. Talk. Talk. Don’t argue, don’t shout, instead talk! Communication is the key. Whenever in doubt, ask and in conflicts, talk it out. A happy relationship is one where the partners don’t feel afraid to share their innermost thoughts. Both the partners should be allowed to speak, to put their points forward. And both of them should respect each others’ views. Open communication never leaves a room for doubt and thus helps in developing deep trust and confidence in the relationship.
Intimacy—Who does not seek intimacy in the relationship? We won’t like if our spouse stays away from us, and similarly, our spouse also wishes we remain intimate to him. Intimacy is not just physical, but physical intimacy has its own role to play in a married life. Physical touch, a warm embrace, and a kiss convey lot of things just through gestures. Intimate relationships are definitely hard to break.