Five Things Most Women Don’t Care About

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1. The size of your member. Most of us are intimidated by big cocks. The idea of having our insides probed by some gargantuan penis is not a turn on; it’s daunting. At the same time, we’re not exactly the delicate flowers we make ourselves out to be. I’m just saying, a girl does like a little girth. So as long as you’ve got something to work with, we’re satisfied.


2. A rock-hard body. I remember my early twenties; I would only date men with a hot body. You know what I learned? Those men aren’t so great. In fact, a lot of them were extremely shallow. I suppose that’s what happens when most of your time is spent in a gym and not reading the New York Times. Sure, we appreciate an attractive body, but we don’t expect to find Hugh Jackman’s body underneath your clothes.


3. A fat wallet. I’m not going to pretend money doesn’t help. I mean, it totally makes life easier and sometimes, more fun. But, it’s not everything. If you’re already an awesome guy, your Donald Trump–sized bank account is a nice enhancement. But if you’re a douche bag, all of your money just makes you a douche bag with money.


4. If your balding. As long as you don’t strap the sparse strands that are still attached to your scalp into a ponytail, we won’t hate you for it. I totally get wanting to savor what’s left of your locks, but trust me, it’s best just to get rid of it all at once. The halfway look is not okay. It’s depressing to see a man trying so desperately to hold on to the past. And get this, a lot of women love the Mr. Clean look. It can be sexy, sophisticated, and rough all at the same time.


5. Your car. As long as that box with wheels has a place for us to sit and gets you from here to there, we’re impressed. We’re truly more interested in knowing that you’re capable of filling the tank with gas and change any flat tires. Seriously, I know a guy who always had his parents fill the tank. One surefire way to get us to turn up our noses at your car? Don’t open the passenger side door for us. 

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