Okay, like most of the people out there, I decided to try this new dating style affectionately know as Internet dating. I have a small circle of acquaintances and even a smaller circle of friends who protested against this move. But after a short time of mild debate within myself the decision was made.
I have read a few articles comparing paid to free online services and looked at the different reviews that would accompany this research. I was thrown by the thousand-question questionnaire. Trying to provide insight into the inter sac tome of who I was as a person. Then you have the “In your own words … ” section, which is no easy task as you try to sell yourself. Which if too long you’re too picky or conceived as high maintenance; if too short you have no ambition or just too lazy. Now after all that you’re supposed to hit the button and POOF! You’ll magically find your dream love and suppose to be compatible and it’s puppy dogs and lolly pops time.
What I had found was … well nothing, absolutely nothing. People will project only what they want you to see that’s no secret but on a web base forum the deception can be more. Physically and emotionally, there are also the stigmata that the Internet is infested with perverts and freak all looking for their next victim. But I am on the Internet and I am not a bad guy neither are the people I talk with so what gives. Strip everything away what are you left with? Browsing though countess picture looking for that perfect person—yeah we are not suppose to judge a book by it cover but we do. Superficiality is to wide spread for us not to be. Simply stated if the cover does not catch your attention then the book better have a dam good title. It made such perfect sense in the beginning. You’re there for a specific reason and you would hope, thee would be suitor would be there for the same thing. Often this is not the case and it’s not they’re not looking it that they can’t see.
With face-to-face meeting you get a real feel for a person, woman are especially good at reading people. They’re just not good at listening to that little voice that say, “Run!” when they hear it. (Women, YOU need to trust your gut. It is the next best weapon you have in your arsenal, consider it a sixth sense and utilize it wisely.) So now what lured you in has worked against you. Your way to busy schedule to meet people or the fact that you’re not into the bar seen, thanks to those morning after “What was I thinking?” headaches, can’t say I blame you. But at what point did we par take in the use car selling of our soul.
There is a pit fall that is not seen right off the bat. That there is no substance could be part of the problem or most likely it is option over load. The net is casted far and wide, and what makes things really bad is the net is cast repeatedly. But the catcher has the attention span of a dog chasing cars on a busy roadway everything is fair game and you have gone from drought to tide waves flooding your plain. The online dating forum is probably no different in my opinion then a stockyard auction.
“Step right folks and take a look, I’ve got a partner up for grabs, works out, decent looking has a career, a place of dwelling and a vehicle and is of sound mind. Now what should I start the bidding at? Single partner, with full time job and higher learning back round, independent and secure, no! Okay how about another single partner and a good job living on their own and most of her marbles still in tact … no! Okay? Come on people work with me. Here we go single ghetto fabulous, no self esteem, with a hectic life style and everything is messed up in their life and all they wants is some one to latch on to because they doesn’t want to be alone. (Hand rises in the back round) SOLD!”
In this world of dog eat dog world we have become super saturated with options. We have too many options from food, cars, house, cell phones, and now relationships. Of course I probably no better than the others as I had my own detail list of what I was looking for and found that my sense of self was less than that of market value.
That could be why in the old days people stuck it out together and there was not a lot of jumping ship. (A) They knew whom they here and what they wanted and didn’t get wrapped up in chasing fantasies. (Aka the Bigger Better Deal= BBD) (B) It was a simpler time and simpler wants, love, compassion and general kindness and two sets of eyes and most of your teeth and not a serial killer. (Most of the time the last one was could go either way) © Choices where limited to what was around you and available. Not only that but nobody takes the time to get to know one another and go through the appropriate steps and stages of dating.
Everyone is to busy jumping in the sack with one another. That situation is like paying someone in advance and expecting them to want to want to work for what they have already been paid for. “Why should I jump through the hoop of getting to know you, I’ve already been satisfied?” Is the mentality that is floating out there and what funny about it is the girls who want a lasting relationship with Mr. Wonderful don’t have the confidence in themselves to set a high enough price tag on said self to keep the legs closed. (I know I am blowing the lid off of most guarded secretly keep secrete which I have been guilty of myself one time or another back in the day. Hey, I never said I was perfect.)
Woman do this simply because they feel almost obligated to put out in hopes that will keep there prospective lover around or because they feel a need to pay him back for a the affection he has shown. (Then there are those who have an itch and want it scratched and more power to you for having the clarity to know that is what it is and all it’s going to be.) So most of the time woman gives it up and the opposite happens then they feel they got screwed over. They don’t understand that physical attraction is the simplest and the lowest form of attraction for a man. All men know is we see, we like what we see and want to see more and touch more. But in no way does that mean we want a relationship based on that attraction.
“But what if he doesn’t stick around?” Is the question that follows my answer is always the same it let him go if you not worth the effort then he’s not worthy of you. All a woman has to be to show her prospect gratitude and positive reinforcement return a call or call and say hi and that’s it. Once the relationship progresses to exclusiveness, and then the two involved can talk about intimacy and all that good stuff that comes with that big step.
So yes, the attraction to these Web sites can be seen. BUT in the end a picture is no substitute for real contact and first impressions.
You have to have the willingness to create an opportunity follow your expectation and know your worth. Like they say, you live and you learn. (Don’t ask who they are, I don’t know, but I do know they say a lot.)