Have you ever felt like the only woman who doesn’t want to have sex like she used to? Remember when we were first in love and all we could think of was getting naked for a bit of rumpy pumpy? Once I started having children, my sex drive flopped as I used to think that myself and for a long time. I was having a lazy day today and flipping channels and found an old Rachel Ray show and it has changed my life. Seriously. Now before you get the wrong idea, I’m sixty. I’m not a young mother who’s always tired and doesn’t have the energy for sex. I have no children at home and I have no good reason not to want sex all the time. So what’s my problem?
In one segment of the Rachel Ray show, Rachel had four women talking about their sex lives. The women were aged in their twenties, thirties, forties, and fifties. I know she didn’t have a woman in her sixties, but for the sake of argument I’ll go with the woman in her fifties. First they talked about being naked. Each one said they were uncomfortable with their bodies with the young woman in her twenties who was petite and fit starting off saying that she had a little belly pouch that embarrassed her. Those who had had children were uncomfortable with the stretch marks and the baby flab that wouldn’t go away, so they didn’t want anyone to see them naked. The woman in her fifties is worried that men she’s dating are also dating women in their thirties and forties and she’s sure she doesn’t measure up when she’s naked. I can identify with every one of them.
Next up was Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, a voluptuous sexual health expert wearing a lovely red dress and showing fantastic cleavage, I must say. She gave some great suggestions for dealing with our negative feelings about being naked with our lovers. First, she said that we should all wait until we’re alone at home, lock the doors and pull the curtains, and walk around naked. Talk to yourself about how sexy you are to remove that negative programming that’s been going on in our heads for years. Look at yourself in the mirror—naked. Next, she gave me the most obvious but the best advice I’ve ever heard.
“I know you’re concerned about how you look with stretch marks here and a love handle there, but have you ever heard of a man saying, ‘Oh, I’ve got a beer belly so I’m just too embarrassed about my body to let her see me naked. I won’t have sex.’ It just doesn’t happen!”
And she’s right. Most of us can comfortably say that our lovers are not perfect so why should we strive for perfection that we don’t expect from our partners? Let’s just get on with the business of feeling sexy. Once we start thinking, “don’t look there” and “I hope he doesn’t touch my stretch marks,” sex is pretty much over. Sex is in the head and your head definitely isn’t in the game.
The four women then talked about having sex in private. No, I’m not talking about the opposite of having sex in public, but sex with the lights off. All four women preferred sex in the dark and under the sheets. One woman said that she wanted sex in the dark so that even though she thought her body wasn’t beautiful, in the dark she was a real vixen. How sad is that? Another woman said she routinely had sex with her husband with the TV on because it was low light. The good doctor was appalled and said we should never ever have sex with the TV on. Light some candles and put on some sensual music. I think Barry White’s name was mentioned. I started feeling sexy just thinking about a candle lit bedroom and sexy music.
Do you like sexy lingerie? All four of these women didn’t. Rachel Ray said that she wore some fancy lingerie on her wedding night and her husband told her she looked silly and to put on her pajamas. The woman in her forties, a plus sized woman, complained that nobody made sexy lingerie for women with big boobs but not big all over so she felt silly wearing it. One of the other women said that she’d wear lingerie on the night it was given to her but never again. Dr. Hutcherson said that all their experiences were very common to all women. I’ve got a drawer full of lingerie that I never wear because it’s not comfortable. You can’t roll over without bits of you getting caught in a strap or the silk doesn’t move with your body or you wake up with scratch marks all over your shoulders.
She said that one good tip was to take one of your lover’s t-shirts and cut holes in strategic places and put it on and “rock it.” She rocked her shoulders back and forth to show how we should flaunt our breasts sticking through the holes. She said we’d feel sexy and funny and have a good time. I love having sex and laughing together because it improves my whole day. I might try this one. I was still thinking that there is a lot of lingerie sold every day and surely women other than these six and me like to wear it. So I went on a mission to sexyads and posed this query in their Women’s Club forum:
Lingerie. How many of you have it and how many of you actually wear it? I have a drawer full and I rarely put it on. I find that it either scratches or doesn’t roll in the bed the same way I do so I just don’t put it on. I have two really nice silk nightgowns and one seersucker one and that’s it.
If you do wear it, what’s your favorite style? Do you sleep in it all night or just wear it to be removed?
The results were quite predictable but it was confirmation that the lingerie manufacturers are selling a fantasy to men and not reality to women. Several women wrote that they slept in oversized t-shirts or nothing at all. A few said they always wore something sexy but took it off shortly after getting into bed. I also had a couple of transvestites that said they always wore something sexy and it stayed on all night. It all comes down to selling that fantasy and only a man buys into it.
Finally, the show ended with Dr. Hutcherson saying that we worry too much about how often we have sex and are we having enough sex. She said that in the U.S. the average couple has sex one and a half times per week and hear this … IT LASTS ONLY THREE MINUTES (my emphasis). I couldn’t believe it. If sex lasted only three minutes, I’d have to ask for a head start. Cranking this old girl up takes more than three minutes.
Photo courtesy of FeelingFlirty