When it comes to finding long-lasting love, the men you want to typically date can be classified as Boyfriend Material. These men are also dating with dignity, and have an expressed interest in finding a partner who is confident, independent, and has the skills necessary to communicate in MANglish.
The ability to understand and then respect MANglish is paramount to finding a relationship with Mr. Boyfriend Material. Why? The answer is, quite frankly, because Mr. Boyfriend Material won’t put up with your crap. He won’t let you “sulk,” he won’t be manipulated by your tears (not 100 percent, that is), expects you to communicate your needs, have boundaries, express your expectations directly, and allow him to engage in activities that fulfill the essence of who he is. In addition, he knows that you won’t take everything he says as a personal rejection, acceptance, or declaration of his love for you.
There are few key signs to look for to know if you are dating Mr. Boyfriend Material:
- He is truly in a place where he feels confident and secure in his ability to provide. Men are and typically most confident, secure, and ready to be in an exclusive long-term relationship when they feel “settled.” They have spent time building their career and have the time available to invest in a relationship. In addition, they also feel financially capable of dating a woman in a way in which they are most comfortable. Remember, men who are not in this place in life are STILL dating; they are just not likely to be good candidates for a long-term partnership. If you are dating someone who is still climbing the ladder to emotional maturity and financial security, rest assured you will most likely need to be patient as he moves through these phases of manhood.
- His words and actions match. A man who is capable of a long-term relationship has integrity, and as a result, his words and actions match. He will call when he says. He will ask you out a few days in advance. He will follow through on his “promises,” and will not make promises on which he cannot deliver. This is one of the most CRITICAL signs a man is ready to be your boyfriend. If his words and actions CONSISTENTLY match, it is clear he is ready to play in the big leagues—possibly with you.
- Mr. Boyfriend Material simply doesn’t play games. He doesn’t apply the “Three-day Rule” to the women he dates, wait twenty-four hours before returning your phone call, or “vanish” to draw you into his world. When he is interested in pursuing you, he will let you know in a way in which it is appropriate. (e.g., not creepy stalker-type behavior). Conversely, if you play games with someone who is Boyfriend Material, he will politely decline the opportunity to get to know you, and dismiss you as possibly immature, or at the very worst, “psycho.” Don’t over-text Mr. Boyfriend Material with idle chitchat messages. Be gracious with him. Be kind. And be authentic. Mr. Boyfriend Material is attracted to a confident woman who also dates in a world where games have no place.
- Mr. Boyfriend Material possesses an ability to express his feelings directly. He will not manipulate you with silence, criticize, or judge you. When he has a need, or feels like he must discuss something pertaining to the relationship, he does not hesitate to bring it up. He will also be honest in telling when he needs to spend time with friends, chooses to work, or wants to go to the gym. He will expect that you respect his needs, and not take his desire to pursue his life independently of you as rejection.
- While it may seem obvious, Mr. Boyfriend Material is currently single. He is not in a relationship, “getting divorced,” or in a relationship with someone that just doesn’t seem to understand him like you do. As a result, he is emotionally available to pursue a relationship with you. He does not have to “hide you” until the divorce is final. He does not have to “call you later” under the guise of running an errand, or meet you in a hotel, his art studio or your place. (Because he hasn’t yet moved out of the home he shares with his partner.)
- While Mr. Boyfriend Material finds you incredibly attractive, he does not EXPECT you to kiss him at the end of the first or second date. He does not expect you to have sex with him, AT ALL. In fact, many men who are truly looking for love are mature and wise enough to recognize that it is best to wait until he knows you better to pursue sexual intimacy. What’s more, if he does “try” to get in your pants on the third date (not before, please) he won’t mind if you say, “no.” In fact, he will most likely apologize profusely, respect you immensely, and recognize you as someone who has self-respect, dates with dignity, and is confident. (A HUGE TURN-ON)
In short, a man who is looking for a relationship is confident, mature, un-afraid to be vulnerable and feels comfortable with commitment. He will want to please you by engaging in a variety of actions that show kindness, romance you willingly, and loves time spent together having tea, walking on the beach, or going to the movies. Sex is not his primary motive for calling you, asking you out, and, in fact, does not expect you sleep with him until you are ready—which can be three months, six months or even until marriage. Mr. Boyfriend Material is seeking an interdependent relationship with a woman who wants the same. Remember, he has “done that, been there, and will not be attracted to a woman who plays games, is manipulative or lacks confidence.
Originally published on Dating with Dignity