My husband is a wonderful man! He is thoughtful, funny, helpful, loving, dependable, and supportive. He is also the epitome of a “handy man.” Unfortunately, he doesn’t always think before (or during) the commission of his “honey-do” list.
One day he decided that the extremely overgrown pecan tree in the front yard needed a major trim. After all, the city doesn’t care for wild, nutty structures waving willy-nilly over their streets. So he took his trusty chain saw and scaled the beast.
All was going well until the first large limb was felled. He didn’t think about the “dangle of the angle,” as he calls it. So, when one end hit the ground, the other end flew backwards, tearing into his bare leg, ripping the skin, and knocking him out of the tree.
While flying from the tree, he was able to focus on the chain saw, and decided to chuck it, forcefully, in order to save life and limb (pardon the pun). Upon doing so, he tore several ligaments in his right shoulder. Could things get any worse?
Gravity was not his friend! Then came the sudden stop on earth. He landed on his back, and as he was trying to get some air back into his lungs, he realized that he was smack dab on top of a ground hornet’s nest! They were not amused. Thankfully, he had no broken bones, so as soon as his lungs inflated, he jumped up and away from the nest, running (with arms swinging frantically about his head) for the front door!
He was actually relieved that he was home alone, so that no one, except any nosy neighbors, had witnessed his plight. That quickly changed when he realized that his breathing was becoming extremely labored. With what seemed to be his last breaths, he was able to call 911 and squeak out his address. What a terrible way to figure out that you’re allergic to a mere twenty or thirty ground hornet stings. The paramedics arrived quickly and took him to the hospital, administering life saving medication on the way.
I can only imagine how hard it was for the paramedics to keep a straight face when he was finally able to relay his story. I can only imagine because, when he told me, I laughed like a hyena until I could barely breathe. Am I a bad wife? No, he was right there with me. We laughed so hard that our stomachs hurt, and our eyes were swollen up from all the tears pouring out.
Now, if this was just a one-time, unfortunate kind of occurrence for this wonderful man, I would be thankful. But, I kid you not, if he has had one problematic chore, he has had a couple dozen! He has been run over by his own truck, sprayed with explosive crazy glue, and stabbed while opening a package. The nurses and doctors at the nearby hospital know the man by name!
I should write a book, and there are days that this man should not get out of bed!