He's Just Not That Into You

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So I was watching the movie He’s Just Not That Into You tonight. I’ve seen it before, but had nothing better to do tonight, so decided I’d watch it again. And to my surprise, it hit a cord with me and so I decided to write about it.

Let me start off with a quote from the movie..

“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include a guy, maybe… it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is… just… moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.”

This is so true. We wait for our knight in shining armor to come swoop us off our feet as he declares his truest love for us.

Let me personalize this. I’ll be the first to admit that, yes, I do want to find love and have done things to try and hurry up a relationship or a could-be relationship to get to where I wanted it to be. I’m guilty of waiting by the phone for him to call or sending him a sweet little text to get him thinking about me in hopes that he’d call. I’ve re-arranged my schedule, canceled plans, and gone to many extremities all in hopes of him possibly calling or wanting to make plans with me. And when we do go out or we do talk I dissect every word, gesture, and action to somehow piece together in my mind what it all really meant. The slightest body movement or a simple phrase will linger in my mind as I go back and forth as to whether or not he likes me or whether or not this is going somewhere.

I am the one who, if a guy says he’s going to call me back tomorrow, believes him whole-heartedly! Even if he failed to do so a time or two in the past, I get my hopes up and let my emotions take over and the excitements builds up and up….and then he doesn’t call. And after that, my day is down hill from there. As much as I say “Oh, no big deal”, it is a big deal. If I say I’m going to call you tomorrow, then I’m going to do just that. I don’t say things just to say them like that. So, I guess I want to believe that when a guy says he’s going to call, he’d call.

Another quote from the movie …

“If a guy doesn’t call you, he doesn’t want to call you.”

And this is the truth. Guys are not complicated. We (women) make them seem complicated with all of the ifs, ands, and buts we throw around in our head. If a guy is into me, then I really think he’d make it happen. If he thought about me as much as I had thought about him then he’d have his way of telling me or showing me. Instead, I go round and round in my head trying to create this fantasy of what he “might have” meant by this or that. I now realize that it’s okay if he doesn’t like me. It’s okay if he doesn’t feel the same for me. The last thing I want to do is to make someone want to be with me…to trick them or convince them that I’m this great person that they could spend their life with. I don’t want to end up with someone who I pursued, but instead, who pursued me. Call me old-fashioned, but I don’t want to be that girl who chases after the guy.

It never feels good to be rejected. In fact, it pretty much sucks. The first thing we, or at least I, think of after being rejected is “what did I do wrong?” “I shouldn’t have said that,” or “I’m such an idiot.” It’s interesting how those statements are all about me, “I.” Sure, I may have been nervous and stumbled over my words or rambled on about something completely off subject, but that’s me. I wasn’t trying to be fake or be someone I’m not. I do get nervous when I’m around someone I like. I get all giddy inside and pretty much go insane for a few minutes. But those are real emotions. And I think that’s something special about me, a kind of quirk if you will, that someone someday will adore about me.

I can’t say that I’m just going to completely give up dating, but I just have a different outlook. It’s fine if you don’t like me or don’t want me, because someone else out there does. That just means that God has someone else out there for me and that person, too. Most people don’t date just one person for their whole lives. Dating is finding out what you like and don’t like, being able to take every dating mishap as a stepping stone to the one God has for you. This guy may have something you just can’t stand that you hadn’t thought of before and the other has something you completely adore. Those are things to tuck in the back of your mind.

So there it is. I put it all out there for everyone to read. And I’m okay with that. I’m looking on the brighter side and moving forward. I’m leaving the past behind and looking forward to a very hopeful and bright future.

I’m pretty much an open book and use blogging as a way to heal from past hurt and express my ideas, thoughts, and dreams. So, thank you for taking the time to read this.

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