How to Choose Your Soulmate

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Henry: Do you really think there is only one perfect mate?

Leonardo da Vinci: As a matter of fact, I do.

: Well then how can you be certain to find them? And if you do find them, are they really the one for you or do you only think they are? And what happens if the person you’re supposed to be with never appears, or, or she does, but you’re too distracted to notice?

Leonardo da Vinci
: You learn to pay attention.

: Then let’s say God puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you’re supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first or, was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just chance or are some things meant to be?

(Scene from the movie Ever After)

From the movie, I think Prince Henry has voiced out all the thoughts and doubts I have since I was a child about finding a soulmate … which basically narrows it down to impossible! I don’t think I have to repeat all that he said (you can just re-read it again … it’s a tongue-twister, really), but how would you know if you’ve met your him/her, or if it’s possible to even end up marrying your soulmate? I’ve had dozens of questions about this, like what if your soulmate is fifty years older than you are, or if your soulmate lives in another country, or what if your soulmate is already married, or worse, dead? Then what? But I realized that it’s not about finding your soulmate, but about choosing your soulmate. We all have a choice … we choose the ones we love and we can certainly choose the ones we marry. I don’t think choosing a soulmate is that much further away.

If you have asked me years ago who my soulmate was, I would have answered, “plenty!” When I was in second grade, I was convinced that this guy named Chad was my soulmate. And every time I would have a crush on a new boy, I was also convinced that he too was my soulmate. (How many are you supposed to have, anyway?). When I had my first boyfriend, I was in love and so sure that he was the one and it broke my heart when he left me for another. Around this time, I had dabbled in online dating, desperate to find a new person to fill the void. I met Michael, who was funny, good-looking, smart, and in so many ways like me that we both started to think alike. We even joked that we were twins with our opposite looks to tell us apart. He was my match … in every way possible. We grew very close and started to have feelings for each other. BUT (in life, there are so many buts … it’s just impossible to meet a perfect person and not have any flaws) … he’s still married. Or separated, he wouldn’t really give me the details. But even though I was convinced he was my soulmate, I had to let go. We remained friends and I started dating again.

I met David, who was similar to me in terms of looks, but total opposite in terms of personality, likes, and dislikes. I was into paintings, fashion, travelling, museums, and anything artistic … and he was into sports, sports, and sports. He’s very mature and laid-back, while I could be a bit childish and high-strung. But we love each other and that’s important. I know we complemented each other in so many ways and I have found a real good man to be with and I am truly grateful to have met someone like him. However, a part of me longs for the connection that Michael and I shared. I guess that’s where the question, “What if your soulmate is married to someone else?” comes in.

So who is my soulmate? And I would answer without a doubt that it is David. And it doesn’t matter if he’s not the guy version of me, or he doesn’t look like me or if we have nothing in common … we share so many other things that is deeper than that. And you can’t go deeper than true love. He is my mate and I am glad my soul has listened.



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